Steve Jobs said: “You can’t connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future.”
Four connecting dots brought me here today. They prepared me to best guide you to building the life and love that you crave.
Let me explain.
Tilling the Soil…
My family and I escaped by fishing boat from my homeland of Vietnam in 1977 when I was 10 years old. I couldn’t eat anything for nine days and almost died on that boat.
With everyone giving me that “She’s going to die,” look, I went inside to ask God if that was true. Loud and clear I heard, “Nope, you have work to do in this world, and you haven’t done it. So don’t worry.”
The journey taught me many things about humanity, but the greatest gift was to let me know that I had a purpose.
Since then, I’ve never worried about my PURPOSE or if my life has meaning. I know it does. My job is to keep listening to and following that voice inside.
My family risked our lives and endured tremendous hardship to arrive in the land of opportunity and freedom.
Yet 20, 30, even 40 years into living in the U.S., I saw “my people,” other Vietnamese immigrants, and my parents with their heads down, working really hard. We mastered people pleasing by putting the needs of others first, sacrificing our needs, and working even harder.
I believed that hard work was the way to achieve the love and professional and financial success that I dreamed of. But I wondered, did we cross an ocean and risk our lives just to work hard and nothing else?
That’s when the idea of living a HOT life came to me. My life wasn’t HOT at all; it was filled with responsibilities and compromises. How could I make it hotter? Isn’t there more to life, love, building a business, and raising my kid?
This is what I looked like in my 30s — way older than my years!
Like most first generation Asian immigrants who became doctors, computer scientists, or engineers, to make my parents proud, I graduated with a mechanical engineer degree.
Corporate life was great for a while, but then my spirit starting dying and climbing the corporate ladder lost its meaning. I had to find my purpose even if it meant leaving the corporate safety net.
A week before quitting, by sheer synchronicity, I signed up for a life coaching course. My life completely changed in that moment.
I took all of the classes, put in extra hours, became a senior trainer, and spent 13 years developing other coaches. Twenty years later, I’ve helped train over 1,000 life coaches worldwide, and helped two organizations develop their coaching programs. Personally, I’ve put in more than 25,000 hours of coaching individuals.
I found my purpose: helping people become and create what they wanted most for their life. I dedicated my life to becoming the BEST coach possible.
What more does a woman need after she has a beautiful baby, a house in Pleasanton, a solid marriage, and work she loves?
That was me a few months shy of my 39th birthday.
I was living ‘proper’ and doing ‘right’ according by my Catholic, first-born Asian girl upbringing. But inside, something fierce was percolating. After a lifetime of suppressing and silencing this inner fire, I was ready to explode.
During a conversation with my massage therapist, she asked what I was doing for my birthday? “I don’t know.” I pondered the question for a long moment.
Then the Voice (the same one from the boat) said, “Put on a sex party for your birthday!”
This story deserves a chapter in my next book. Suffice to say; unbeknownst to me, my life completely took a left turn from that moment of reconciliation with my Voice.
I realized that I had suppressed my sexuality all my life to be a good girl. But my Voice was calling me to the carpet. It said: “Either set it free or kill it off in this lifetime.”
What followed was a period of intense exploration. My husband moved out, and everything I knew about myself, love, and relationships was challenged and turned upside down so I could find my own truth.
Three years and 35 men later, I finally knew who I was as a woman. I understood what it takes to stand in my own truth, desires, and love, and how to create a lasting hot life with hot love for myself. What’s even more important, this was the last piece of the puzzle I needed to fulfill my life’s purpose.
I was now ready to serve my clients: divorced moms dating again or moms who were stuck in a good enough marriage, but were dying inside. If I had a coach like me in my life back then, I believe my marriage would have lasted.
As I’m a divorced mom, I know and understand the mindset well.
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