Before You Divorce, READ THIS!

Avoid Divorce-Save Your Marriage!

This is for all you tired moms, who wake up one day and realize that you’re dead and numb in your marriage.

 You have been doing the chores, giving it your all, but you have no more passion left.  You dream of leaving. The thoughts of dating again; breaking up your family, and the substantial cost of divorce gives you the willies. So instead, you put on a happy face, drink another glass of wine or eat more cake to numb or drown out the voice inside that is screaming: “GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF HERE!” “IS THIS ALL THERE IS TO LIFE?!”  “I HATE HIM!!!;  I HATE THEM!!!”, “I HATE ME!!! and, last but not least “HELP ME!!!”

 

 

The Usual complaints I hear sound like this:

  •     I don’t feel it with him anymore.
  •     We haven’t been connecting for years.
  •     I want someone to LOVE!
  •     I want to be on the same track with him and enjoy doing things together.
  •     I want my passion back!
  •     We used to be so in love!  Now we are just roommates.
  •     He doesn’t get me.

 

 

These voices usually aren’t heard unless there is a new love interest on the side, an affair (either of the mind or a cardinal sin of the flesh).  And the affair is so rich, so luscious, so Technicolor while the marriage is monotonous, boring, and dull gray.  Most people make the mistake of leaping into the affair, fantasizing that “THIS is it… THIS is the solution to my problem… If I can just have this new person, all my pain and deadness would be gone and once again I will live happily ever after.”  Sad to say that is most often NOT the case.

 

What Happened?

You’ve become a Supermom!

The answer is simple: You both lost yourself in the mundaneness of everyday life AND the noble task of parenting. You dedicated your life to being a good mom, a good wife, a good income earner, a good housemate, etc… After ten, twenty, or thirty years of this, you had an epiphany: “Hey I am NOT HAPPYYYYYYY!” You have lost yourself, your passion, your motivation. Hell, you have even lost your sex drive! (For some of us, the reverse is true. Your sex drive kicks into full gear. You have to try to suppress that or act it out in the least healthy way… by having an affair.)

 

All you have left is PRETENTION.

  • You pretend to be happy.
  • You pretend to like: your job, your house, your neighbors, your kids, your spouse, even yourself.
  • You pretend that everything is good enough, but nothing is.
  • You pretend to have a good life on FB and Instagram, BUT, inside you are dying.

 

Physically you get fatter and fatter. You are haggard. You let yourself go.  You avoid all mirrors whenever possible, and you hate having your picture taken. The truth is too ugly to bear.  You stopped talking to each other about 15 years ago. When you do talk, it’s about the children, the weather, the parent meeting, or the chores at hand. You run more carpools and bake more cookies to avoid feeling your pain.  You seethe with resentment.  Whatever he does, it’s too little, too late, and always wrong! It seems so obvious to you that at this point you have no choice but to divorce. But that’s not true!!! Trust me… divorce is not the answer.  

I know this.  Because if I knew then what I know now, I probably would not have divorced.  And I have been able to save ALL of my clients’ marriages when they asked for my help.  It doesn’t have to be a long and drawn out 2-3 years of therapy with little to no progress.  Failing marriages have become a UNIVERSAL HUMAN problem, an epidemic.  It NEVER is because you didn’t do enough.  

If you are on the brink of divorcing…

  • Yet there is at least 5% of you wondering or hoping that there is an EASY way to save this;
  • Or you want to avoid the pain and confusion to your children;
  • And you want to avoid feeling misplaced shame and disappointment to your family;
  • Finally you want to avoid the excruciating cost of breaking up your marriage,  

I sincerely invite you to my Hot Life Hot Love 2-day Live Event. You owe it to yourself and your kids. You don’t have time to waste. Your future is at stake. Give me one weekend to help you before you sign the divorce papers.

 

Start your journey back:  Hot Life Hot Love 2-day Live Event 

See you there!  Register now before you get stuck in your hole and do something that will wreck your life.

 

With Love,

Your Weekly Hot – Gotta Have it – Newsletter from Mai!

This Week On Hot Life Hot Love Radio

Sexcapade in the City…Part One
Smokin’ HOT Show – No Prudes Allowed

Have You Ever Had a Sexcapade? Just What IS a Sexcapade?
You just have to tune in to find out. It’s True Confessions time for Mai and Valerie
– the raw, uncut, unfiltered story (and this is only Part One!)
It’s a Hot Life Hot Love exclusive so tune in at 7pm Pacific / 10 Eastern

TUNE IN HERE

Photo Post.jpg

Mai’s Live Event Coming Soon

Don’t Miss “Hot Life Hot Love” Live April 27th & 28th in the San Francisco Bay Area
People Who have attended HLHL Live experience Amazing life, love and business transformations.

Put this on your calendar now.

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Introducing…

The 7 Best Places to Meet Successful, Emotionally Available and Spiritual Men

Are you asking yourself “Just WHERE do I meet the right kind of man”? Maybe you’ve just about given up on finding him…

  • You know, the kind of man that will love, cherish and adore you?
  • The kind of man that is successful, spiritual and heart-centered?
  • The kind of man who rocks your world with romance, HOT love and shares real intimacy?
  • Well stay tuned. Coming next week I’m going to be GIVING you this FREE REPORT

That’s HOT Right?!

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Here’s Mai Vu’s Quote of the Week

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For Members Only

Upcoming Class: Tuesday, February 14th, 2017

Join Dr. Christina Winsey for “Love Your Addiction” 11:15 am PST / 2:15 pm EST. For call in details make sure to check the Members Only Private Facebook Group Soon

________________________________________________

Want Support About Dating and Relationships?

Join the Tribe!



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Praise and Success – Mai’s Clients Speak

 

 

“Are You Interested in a Soft-Boiled Egg?”

 

It’s 12:19pm, and my sweetheart asked from the kitchen, “Are you interested in a soft-boiled egg [for breakfast]?”

I am cranking away on my laptop with a million thoughts going on. I am frozen at the question. It feels like too much to have to answer that. I have to decide… “Do I want to eat?” “Do I want to eat a soft-boiled egg?” then becomes “Do I want to make a healthy smoothie instead?” “Do I want to quit writing to feed myself?”

Mai & Keith at Machu Picchu-2015
Mai & Keith at Machu Picchu-2015

I read an article recently called  “Why Steve Jobs only wears jeans and a black T-shirt”. They talked about Decision-Making Fatigue. Yup, it is a real term, a real condition. When we have to make so many decisions in a day, we can experience fatigue — where it actually stops us from making good decisions. It makes me think of divorced moms who are dating again while building a business and raising children. WE (I am in this demographic) are bombarded with decisions to make in a day, and the more successful we are, the more complex decisions we have to make.

I see a very common mistake that my clients make due to this decision-making fatigue condition. They ALWAYS put love last, behind building their business and taking care of their children. The mindset is automatic: “I don’t have time for that” or “I don’t need that right now.”

This leaves them depleted and angry. They don’t know why they are angry. Sometimes they don’t even know that they are pissed off. They just get frustrated at random things. It’s because they are not making good decisions. They are making decisions to cope with life instead of making decisions to build a hot life, to have life be yummy and fun. They are just coping. In their coping mechanism, they unknowingly push love and support away.

Back to my kitchen:

After a full minute of “Duh… I don’t know,” I said to him, “Yes please. And I don’t like it runny.”

The next thing I know, I was able to finish this article while two soft boiled eggs, half a grapefruit, and a piece of toast were served up to me.

YAY!!! I am fed and off to the next thing on my long list of to-do’s. My sweetheart felt like my hero.

Everybody wins.

My wish for you in 2016 is that you make yummy decisions that involve letting love in, that
you don’t have to wear the same black t-shirt and jeans everyday in order to make good
decisions, and that you have a hot man in the kitchen making you breakfast whether you recognize you need it or not. International Speaker and Master Coach, Mai Vu works with
women entrepreneurs who are divorced & dating again. She helps you build a hot business while attracting your hot love, so you can live your hot life. Mai has a successful six-figure coaching business, serving over 1000 women worldwide for the past 20 years. Look for Mai’s upcoming book due to be released in February on Amazon: To Be Loved, Adored, and Cherished – The Divorced Mom’s Guide to Dating. You can find Mai at

www.MaiVuCoach.com

 

Reality Bites! January Depression/Panic/Regret/Scramble/Drowning

The New Year is Starting Faster Than I Am

It’s January 20th, but I thought it was January 25th already. The Xmas tree is still up, and desperately needs to be put away. I missed the sales on Xmas decoration plastic containers, and now they are sold out at Target. How did this happen? How did I get so behind so soon?

…The More Behind I Get

image: laptop computer andcalculatorI had so many plans for January. I was supposed to be orderly, on track, ahead of schedule. The financial books were supposed to be updated and ready for taxes this year, the house was supposed to be organized and ready to receive the new and prosperous year, the business plan was supposed to execute flawlessly, blah blah blah… It seems like the key words here are “supposed to be” and I find myself NOT meeting my own expectations. Whoaaaa!!!  😱 😩😪

Yoga, Meditation, and Crack Cocaine

image:divorced woman alone contemplatingWhen things fall apart, I go back to meditation and yoga.  My body is jittery like I’m withdrawing from crack cocaine on both the meditation cushion and the yoga mat.  I can’t hold a pose or sit still for longer than 5 minutes.  This tells me that I am stressed and overwhelmed.  Yikes! 😖 What do you do when this happens to you?

My 5 Steps to Pull it Together

I stop and do what I teach my hard-working, entrepreneur moms, who want it all: a successful thriving business, happy kids, and a hot love life! 

  • Step 1: Breathe
  • Step 2: Tend to your hard-working, stressed out “peasant” woman inside.  Ask her what am I afraid of?  What is the pressure that I am putting on myself?  What do I need to let go, but I am afraid to do it?  Breathe! 💆
  • Step 3:  Give yourself a big reassuring hug: “It’s OK, Everything is OK.  Everything WILL be OK.”  Breathe (yes, again)!
  • Step 4:  Pick ONE thing to focus on and finish.  One small thing is good enough.  Push everything aside.  Just do one thing.  Breathe. 🚀
  • Step 5:  Celebrate and love the heck out of yourself for getting that done.  Yay!!! 🎉

Your turn… Share with me what you do to regroup and keep going. Want further feel good? Check out my upcoming 2-day Hot Life Hot Love event on March 12 & 13, 2016 at The Purple Orchid.

The Divorced Mom’s Guide to Dating

For a few years now I’ve been secretly working on writing my first book! And ladies…. it’s coming out soon! The Divorced Mom’s Guide to Dating; How to be Loved, Adored and Cherished! After embracing my introverted side & hunkering down in my writing place, I am almost done writing this bestseller. It is due to come out in February, just in time for you know what!

Free Copies of my New Book!

I’m giving away free copies to my peeps.  Sign up now for a chance to win a free book!

What I Learned About Dating from My Safari Adventure

Last week was my sweetheart’s 67th birthday. Yup, he is definitely getting up there. So to celebrate the kid in him, I booked a two-night stay on Airbnb at a Tree House. For a little adventure I took him on a Safari, right here in Northern California, Petaluma of all places.

Treehouse Air BnB
Our Air BnB in the treetop!

The tree house was fabulous.  I highly recommend it.  (Tell Joe, I recommended you)  I cannot describe adequately what it was like to hangout where the birds live.  It’s ethereal, magical, light, surprising, uplifted, etc… did I say magical?

But what I really want to talk to you about is the lesson that I got from visiting the wild animals at Safari West.

About the park:

This is an African adventure in the heart of California wine country.  It’s a pretty amazing experience but, here, check out their website!

Me and Zoos:

I hate zoos.  I hate circuses.  I hate SeaWorld.  I hate seeing captive wild animals in small containers for human enjoyment.  So I was totally dumbfounded that I took Keith to a “zoo.” 

This was no zoo.

Safari West is the Serengeti in Sonoma county.  Let me get to the point.  There are 1,000 animals living peacefully on this 150 acres land.  The big carnivores like cheetahs and foxes have their own individual luxury enclosures.  While the other herd animals like antelopes and buffalos roam free in much larger territories.  To see them, we got to ride in a safari truck, that drove right up to their watering hole or hangout place. 

2015-12-10 Safari Adventure 2

Is This Good for the Animals?

My first serious question to the guide was:  “Do the cheetahs get bored and sad to be stuck in an enclosure? They no longer have to hunt or chase.  Is that good for them?”

His answer surprised me.  He said: “It’s like the cheetah won the lottery.  In the wild, when he hunts, he catches ¼ of all the games that he goes after.  Once he catches it, he loses all energy, so he cannot defend his win.  The other big cats like lions and hyenas wait for him to do the hard work, then steal the food from him.  He ends up getting to eat 10% of all the food that he goes after. 

Here in the reserve, he has an easy life.  He suns himself daily.  Everyday, his food is delivered to him at a consistent time.  He sleeps, plays, eats, and mates if he wants to.  He and all other animals live longer, and breed more.  These are signs of a happy animal.” 

Furthermore, many of the species on this reserve are extinct in the wild.  But here at Safari West they are able to survive and breed again. 

I was blown away.  The animals are happier and breed more, living in a “captive” environment.  This is a place we can meet animals that no longer exist in the wild.

Hold your judgement.  There is more.

We drove up to the Zebra and other hoofed animals area.  The guide got out and opened the big fence to let his truck through.  (Yup, it was a little eerie, like the scene in Jurassic Park, the movie.)  Just for fun, I asked the guide if any animal has stalked the gate and waited for the right moment to escape from the enclosure.  Again his answer blew me away. 

He said “No, never.  If you think about it, why would they want to leave?  This is where home is. Their family is here.  And their food is brought to them here.  So there is no reason why they would want to go elsewhere.”

2015-12-10 Safari Adventure 3

How does this relate to you and dating?

I don’t know.  But I do know how it ties to me and dating.  When I first met Keith, I knew that he was a nice man, honest and sincere, possibly someone I can count on.  I could tell that he wanted a steady girlfriend, and he kept saying: “You are the last girlfriend that I will have.”

Funny thing… He thought he was expressing commitment and sincerity to me.  I thought he was choking me to death. I felt like I was going to lose my freedom and be stuck with an old man and become his care taker.  I hated and was so fearful that he was 17 years older than me. 

It has been 8 years, he has treated me with utmost care. Keith is teaching me to be a princess, and let myself be loved, adored, and cherished. He cooks, cleans, juices, and takes out spots on my dresses for me. He fixes my technology problems, builds my website, travels with me to all of my speaking gigs to videotape and help me produce my events. I do feel like the cheetah in the reserve: well cared for, protected, and cherished.  

Of course I got to thinking, specifically about divorced moms who are dating again.  You work so hard to build a business or excel in your career; you care for your children, and you are always alone being there for everyone else.  Nothing is easy.  “Food” is not brought to you.  Like the cheetahs in the wild, you have to hunt for customers to make money.  When you come home, you are exhausted; it is almost impossible to date or have fun.  You are exhausted, angry, and frustrated.  To put it in the animal language, your life expectancy is low.  Yet you keep pushing yourself to do more and expecting yourself to last.

Imagine what it would be like if you have someone to love, adore, and cherish you?  Someone to support you, help you be the best you can be? Cook for you, rub your tired feet?  Help you with technology while you build your business? Tend to you when you are sick? 

Most divorced moms who are considering dating again tend to have a fear that a new relationship would look like what happened to them when they were married.  Their old marriage is the equivalent of the old fashion zoo, where big animals were kept inhumanely in tiny cages.  These women are deathly afraid of losing their hard earned freedom. 

What if a new do-over relationship in your late forties and beyond is more like being on this wonderful reserve? Like you won the lottery?  You will have a place to shelter and care for you.  You will no longer have to fend for yourself.  You will thrive again.

Mai Vu Coach, founder of the Hot Life Hot Love team.  I help hard working divorced moms to build a hot business while cultivating hot love, so that they can have a hot life!  I am writing my book that will be due out in late January 2016: Dating Guide for Divorced Moms: How to Be Loved, Adored, and CherishedClick here if you want to get sneak peak into the book as it is being written.