What I Learned About Dating from My Safari Adventure

Last week was my sweetheart’s 67th birthday. Yup, he is definitely getting up there. So to celebrate the kid in him, I booked a two-night stay on Airbnb at a Tree House. For a little adventure I took him on a Safari, right here in Northern California, Petaluma of all places.

Treehouse Air BnB
Our Air BnB in the treetop!

The tree house was fabulous.  I highly recommend it.  (Tell Joe, I recommended you)  I cannot describe adequately what it was like to hangout where the birds live.  It’s ethereal, magical, light, surprising, uplifted, etc… did I say magical?

But what I really want to talk to you about is the lesson that I got from visiting the wild animals at Safari West.

About the park:

This is an African adventure in the heart of California wine country.  It’s a pretty amazing experience but, here, check out their website!

Me and Zoos:

I hate zoos.  I hate circuses.  I hate SeaWorld.  I hate seeing captive wild animals in small containers for human enjoyment.  So I was totally dumbfounded that I took Keith to a “zoo.” 

This was no zoo.

Safari West is the Serengeti in Sonoma county.  Let me get to the point.  There are 1,000 animals living peacefully on this 150 acres land.  The big carnivores like cheetahs and foxes have their own individual luxury enclosures.  While the other herd animals like antelopes and buffalos roam free in much larger territories.  To see them, we got to ride in a safari truck, that drove right up to their watering hole or hangout place. 

2015-12-10 Safari Adventure 2

Is This Good for the Animals?

My first serious question to the guide was:  “Do the cheetahs get bored and sad to be stuck in an enclosure? They no longer have to hunt or chase.  Is that good for them?”

His answer surprised me.  He said: “It’s like the cheetah won the lottery.  In the wild, when he hunts, he catches ¼ of all the games that he goes after.  Once he catches it, he loses all energy, so he cannot defend his win.  The other big cats like lions and hyenas wait for him to do the hard work, then steal the food from him.  He ends up getting to eat 10% of all the food that he goes after. 

Here in the reserve, he has an easy life.  He suns himself daily.  Everyday, his food is delivered to him at a consistent time.  He sleeps, plays, eats, and mates if he wants to.  He and all other animals live longer, and breed more.  These are signs of a happy animal.” 

Furthermore, many of the species on this reserve are extinct in the wild.  But here at Safari West they are able to survive and breed again. 

I was blown away.  The animals are happier and breed more, living in a “captive” environment.  This is a place we can meet animals that no longer exist in the wild.

Hold your judgement.  There is more.

We drove up to the Zebra and other hoofed animals area.  The guide got out and opened the big fence to let his truck through.  (Yup, it was a little eerie, like the scene in Jurassic Park, the movie.)  Just for fun, I asked the guide if any animal has stalked the gate and waited for the right moment to escape from the enclosure.  Again his answer blew me away. 

He said “No, never.  If you think about it, why would they want to leave?  This is where home is. Their family is here.  And their food is brought to them here.  So there is no reason why they would want to go elsewhere.”

2015-12-10 Safari Adventure 3

How does this relate to you and dating?

I don’t know.  But I do know how it ties to me and dating.  When I first met Keith, I knew that he was a nice man, honest and sincere, possibly someone I can count on.  I could tell that he wanted a steady girlfriend, and he kept saying: “You are the last girlfriend that I will have.”

Funny thing… He thought he was expressing commitment and sincerity to me.  I thought he was choking me to death. I felt like I was going to lose my freedom and be stuck with an old man and become his care taker.  I hated and was so fearful that he was 17 years older than me. 

It has been 8 years, he has treated me with utmost care. Keith is teaching me to be a princess, and let myself be loved, adored, and cherished. He cooks, cleans, juices, and takes out spots on my dresses for me. He fixes my technology problems, builds my website, travels with me to all of my speaking gigs to videotape and help me produce my events. I do feel like the cheetah in the reserve: well cared for, protected, and cherished.  

Of course I got to thinking, specifically about divorced moms who are dating again.  You work so hard to build a business or excel in your career; you care for your children, and you are always alone being there for everyone else.  Nothing is easy.  “Food” is not brought to you.  Like the cheetahs in the wild, you have to hunt for customers to make money.  When you come home, you are exhausted; it is almost impossible to date or have fun.  You are exhausted, angry, and frustrated.  To put it in the animal language, your life expectancy is low.  Yet you keep pushing yourself to do more and expecting yourself to last.

Imagine what it would be like if you have someone to love, adore, and cherish you?  Someone to support you, help you be the best you can be? Cook for you, rub your tired feet?  Help you with technology while you build your business? Tend to you when you are sick? 

Most divorced moms who are considering dating again tend to have a fear that a new relationship would look like what happened to them when they were married.  Their old marriage is the equivalent of the old fashion zoo, where big animals were kept inhumanely in tiny cages.  These women are deathly afraid of losing their hard earned freedom. 

What if a new do-over relationship in your late forties and beyond is more like being on this wonderful reserve? Like you won the lottery?  You will have a place to shelter and care for you.  You will no longer have to fend for yourself.  You will thrive again.

Mai Vu Coach, founder of the Hot Life Hot Love team.  I help hard working divorced moms to build a hot business while cultivating hot love, so that they can have a hot life!  I am writing my book that will be due out in late January 2016: Dating Guide for Divorced Moms: How to Be Loved, Adored, and CherishedClick here if you want to get sneak peak into the book as it is being written.

Are Swedish Women In Danger of Extinction?

Are Swedish Women In Danger of Extinction?

  Swedish Women Endangered

Marriage Failures in Sweden Are Up

In 2013, a total of 25,100 Swedish marriages ended in divorce. That’s a record high since 1975 according to figures released by Statistics Sweden (Statistika centralbyrån). Now, more and more people prefer to engage in long-term partnerships, thus having children outside of marriages. However, even though the statistics regarding the termination of these relationships are harder to track, my Swedish clients are telling me these partnerships do not last long either. Break-ups for couples with children continue to have a huge toll on everyone involved, from the parents to the child.   This is leaving a trajicly large pool of divorced moms in Sweden.

 The Plight of Divorced Swedish  Women

Since they are whom I work with, I will speak the divorced women’s side of this equation. After meeting and working with many women, what I have found is that the single moms in Sweden are exhausted, overwhelmed, and frustrated. 90 percent of the women that I have talked to, reported that they have or were experiencing burn-out, depression, or sick leave because of stress. They are carrying so much on their plate: from trying to make a better economy for themselves and their kids (usually struggling with a dead-end or boring job, or overworked in their own business) to constantly feeling guilty about how they are not doing enough for their kids, their house, and their work. They are always worrying that they are not doing “it” right, and they continue to take care of everything else—their aging parents, their friends, and their community. Meanwhile, they struggle to find someone who will be there to love and support them. They long for someone to be a good partner both in their everyday tasks, and in understanding their priorities to their children, while still being there to have fun, talk to, and experience passion with.

What Do Most Single Swedish Women Want?

 The most pertinent questions of these single women are:

  • How come I am working so hard when I’m not even getting what I want?
  • How come I am not happy? When will my life become better?
  • How come I don’t have enough time for everything in my life?
  • How do I get the love, support, money and success that I want?

Married Swedish Women Want Almost the Same Things!

And for the women who are married or are in long-term relationships, their complaints sound slightly different, but underneath, it’s the same tired, overwhelmed frustrations.

Their complaints are:

  • How come I am working so hard with so few results?
  • How come I am not happy, and when will I be?
  • How come I don’t have enough time to take care of everything? (same as above)
  • How come my husband is so incapable of meeting me, or so unavailable to catch up with me? (Shhhhh, this is their deep secret. It takes awhile for them to admit this.)

The truth is, for women in long-term partnerships, there are a lot of disappointments that they are living with. Their men are usually kind, considerate, reliable, and a good father. But as a partner to them, the men are falling a little short.   Communication and common interest outside of caring for the children have dwindled down to some type of grunt, sigh, or eye-roll. Sex and passion are at best obligatory. And everything (finance, change, joy, play) seems limited and difficult. The women are not happy and are not being met with a passionate, focus, and powerful partner that they deserve. For these women, there are only three solutions: to leave, to stay, or to work harder to compensate for this lack.

What Happens if the Woman Leaves the Relationship?

Why this is so alarming is because in the animal kingdom, if the female (the caregiver) is not strong enough, the species will die out! What we are seeing for humans is that as the woman, the mom, the partner gets more and more loaded with responsibilities, she becomes weaker mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. There is not enough time and energy left in her to raise her children properly, to contribute to a healthy society, and to enjoy love and partnership with their men. Swedish women are depleted. The harder they try to accommodate, the worse their situation becomes. This is bad for the women, for the children, for the men involved, and for society as a whole.

What is the Man’s Role in a Relationship?

Speaking of men, it’s not a bed of roses for them either. Men are also hurting in this journey. And even though it’s no fault of their own, most of the time, the men find themselves a source to be blamed on, for their woman’s unhappiness.   What I know about them: men want to be partners with women, and they want to love, protect and care for their women. They want to be the hero for and to please women. When a woman is so tired, overwhelmed, and angry about her life, she can’t let any man in. The woman actually becomes a “Hero Killer,” resulting in a situation where nothing a guy does will ever be good enough, because internally, the woman does not feel like she is good enough. That creates a huge disparity between men and women. No one is happy then.

Where Can Women Get Help?

This is where I come in. This past year over 25 thousand Swedish women are wondering what’s next after their official divorce. To put it simply, I show women how to let love in, to replenish themselves, to be happy again, so that they can turn this dynamic around. Only when the woman feels more ease and more supported can she open up to let more money, success, connection, and passion in. I also show women what they are doing that blocks them from having the love, joy, and economy that they want. This is what I call your Hot Life Hot Love!

 

Get the Love, Happiness and Success That You Want!

This is why I am so passionate about working with divorced and single moms. I am one of them. I know what it is like to be working so hard and not getting the love and happiness and success that I want. I love seeing that turnaround in women. It’s easier than you think. I will be back on October 3-4, 2015 in Malmo, Sweden to bring my 2 Day Live Event Hot Life Hot Love. At the event I will show every women step by step, what is happening that leaves them so unhappy. Then, I’ll demonstrate how to turn it all around so that they can have more love, support, success, and joy in their lives!

[mk_button dimension=”flat” size=”large” outline_skin=”dark” outline_active_color=”#fff” outline_hover_color=”#333333″ bg_color=”#2fa9ce” text_color=”light” url=”http://www.hotlifehotlove.com/sweden” target=”_blank” align=”center” fullwidth=”false” margin_top=”10″ margin_bottom=”15″ animation=”scale-up”] See Schedule and Register for the 2 Day Live Event in Malmo! [/mk_button][mk_padding_divider size=”14″]

BIO: MV-5-Brown RuffleMai Vu is an International Speaker and Master Coach with 20 years experience. Mai works with tired female entrepreneurs and career women who are divorced & dating again. Mai has a successful 6 figure coaching business, serving over 1000 women all over the world. She has trained and certified over 1000 life coaches for The Coaches Training Institute, the world most prestigious and oldest coach training school. Mai Vu has been described as playful, funny, bold, and is a stand for all humans having Hot Life & Hot Love!

Magic, Miracles, and Mosquitoes in the Amazon, Oh My!

 EmailHeader-PostAyahausca

Magic, Miracles, and Mosquitoes in the Amazon – Oh My!

Iquitos-MapIs visiting the Amazon and going to Machu Picchu on your bucket list?  I highly recommend that you bump it up and go sooner than later. You need stamina for this kind of trip.  And it’s too good to wait. 

I had the great honor and blessing to spend 15 days in The Amazon jungle, living on site with the shaman and his family, alongside 7 other American friends as we seek out the wisdom and healing of the Ayahuasca medicine.  Afterward we spent 6 days touring around Cuzco, the neighboring cities, and finally making it to Machu Picchu.

 

 

MachuPichuIt was an incredible trip in so many ways.  It has been a few weeks since I got back and I am still struggling for words to describe and capture the full extent of the journey.  Partly because all the pieces are still coming together.  Perhaps that is one of the many messages that I am receiving:  Life and her lessons continue to show themselves to me, long after the event is over.  My job is to look, listen, and take in.  

I will break the highlights into different links, so that you can click on to whatever topic that interest you the most.  I have some beautiful pictures of the trip; the Ayahuasca process and her impact on us; and what 3 things I learned from The Amazon that might help you with your business and love life.  

 

As always I look forward to hearing your reactions and comments.  

Please leave me a note below and share what calls to you from the Amazon or the Ayahuasca Experience.

 

Now, That’s HOT!

 

MaiVu-Signature-xparent

 

 

Mai

For more information on Mai’s Signature Event “Hot Life Hot Love” Click here

Are You Tired of Dating Your Cat?

Tired of Dating Your Cat?

Hey, Ho!

Here we are in Valentine’s Day month, which may cause a twang in your heart to those of you who are divorced or about to be single. And so I thought it would be perfect timing for me to branch out as an advice columnist for the love-sick and Ready-for-Love peeps. Here, is a sneak preview of one of my first columns. Please send me your questions so that I may be of service to you!

Dear M:

I’m a 50-something single woman and I’ve given up on dating. I feel like I can’t compete with the beautiful young yoginis and cosmetically enhanced perfect-looking women. But I’m lovesick and wanting to find a wonderful life partner. What do you suggest I do to boost my confidence? I’m tired of just having a relationship with my cat.

Thank you,

Misfit Cat Lady

Dear Misfit:

First of all, you need to stop feeling sorry for yourself and calling yourself a “Misfit Cat Lady” (no matter how clever that title is). You are not! How you see yourself will become a reality. Let’s call you “Ready for Love” instead.

Second, reading your letter reminded me of a poem that I read a long time ago when I was in 8th grade. It was the first piece of advice from life that I got and took to heart. Perhaps you have heard of it, Desiderata by Max Ehrmann: “..If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter, for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.”

In your case, there will always be some yogini younger, cuter, and sexier or someone with bigger hair, and more expensive boobs than yours. And I bet you that they are probably feeling the same insecurities that you feel are unique to you. So buckle up, divorce your cat, get out and start playing in the world!

My guess is you probably don’t feel you are worthy of the love and adoration that you deserve — and those feelings probably existed long before in your life. In your trials and tribulations, you may have forgotten how loved you truly are and how to treat yourself with love and respect. You might even forgotten how truly sexy you are. And you constantly judge yourself for not being enough or doing it right.

Let’s turn this around, shall we?

Start with the inside:

Your inner voices need to be witnessed and loved. They are crying out for you to listen to their pain so that they can heal.  Unfortunately, most of the time, you ignore, deny, or suppress them because these voices seem so pathetic to you. But all that ever does is make you feel worse about yourself.

Take out your favorite journal, and capture these voices.  “Today I am in touch with….” (fill in the blank. Write out all of your sad and “whining” voice has to say, then finish it off with “I am grateful to be in touch with these feelings.”

I promise,  you will experience an amazing shift inside. If you are brave, get a partner and share your writing, let them witness you. All they have to do is read your writing and respond with “I see you.” This simple act of daily writing and witnessing will start to melt away decades of shame and loneliness and will allow you to see yourself as is, and develop compassion for yourself. From there, unconditional love will blossom. Once that happens, you will start to attract different people into your life who have the capacity to have unconditional love for you. That’s what you want, isn’t it? See how this works?

After the writing, do something that makes you feel pretty and sexy. Show some skin and feel your body’s movement. Focus on feeling good and move away from the comparison thoughts.

The truth is men love women at any age and in any shape. They especially love women who love themselves.

Love, Love, Love,

M

p.s. For more support, come to my next “Hot Life Hot Love” event. You will get to see me live and ask your questions. I promise, it will change your life!

I want to tell you a story:

Ann came to my Hot Life Hot Love event last year to learn how to let love in, so that she is loved, adored, and cherished. She cried and cried during the entire weekend because she was stuck in a 20-year marriage with an unresponsive husband. After the event, as she was driving  home and a guy drove fast behind her and convinced her to pull over. She finally pulled over and he said, “You are so beautiful. I want to give you my card in case you’d let me take you out for dinner.” She took it as a sign that she deserved better. Within three months she moved out, sold the house, and began to live her life.  Her husband completely turned around and apologized for how he has been asleep in their marriage. Now they’re reconnecting and dating again. They are building a new loving and romantic relationship. She told me she owes it all to my event!

Want some of this?  Reserve your seat now for the next Hot Life Hot Love – 2 Day Live Event!

 

 

 

 

 

Image courtesy of imagerymajestic at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

My Predictions for 2015. Are You In It?

My Predictions for 2015. Are You In It? 

Happy New Year! I am so excited to bring you this newsletter. I hope it will inspire your heart and tickle your funny bone. I want it to delight and entertain you! In this newsletter, we are celebrating the love and miracles my clients made this past year to inspire and give you a glimpse of what is possible. My “2015 Predictions” video is super funny as I introduce a new part of me – MaiDame Vuvuvuvuski. See below.

2014 Celebrations

In my closing sessions with my VIP clients, I had the pleasure of witnessing the love and miracles that they brought into their lives. Click the picture to read some of the ones that they shared or click here

Screen Shot 2014-12-30 at 4.12.49 PM
“I want to thank you for your work and the impact it has had on my life and my kids. Before I worked with you, I was dating all the wrong guys, stressing over my business and how to make ends meet, and frustrated all the time. After six months, I saw a huge change in myself. I am so much happier and at peace. I am with a very nice man who loves and adores me. My business is making twice the income and it continues to grow. I am so happy I can’t stop grinning. Your work is life changing. Thank you for showing me the way.” D. H. 

 2015 Predictions From MaiDamme Vuvuvuski…

I hope you enjoyed this video! I truly want the world for you and want to be there every step of the way. I know deep in my soul that my support will help make amazing things happen in your life. Below are some fun ways you can play with me in 2015 as my New Years gifts to you:

  • Pre-register for my Big Event: March 7th & 8th Hot Live Hot Love It will knock your socks off!

Want to see or hear me live before the big event? Then come to:

  • FemTalks, Women Wanting to Be Successful in Business, in Berkeley Feb 9
  • Understanding Men webinar on Feb. 12th, 6:00pm PT  (more info coming soon)

With love, Mai (& Maia, my daughter and videographer and film editor for MaiDamme Vuvuvuski) Love Life - Mai and Maia