Yahoo! Holly Molly!!! OMG!!!! Rarely do I meet a female leader that inspires me so much I want to run home and write about.
Founder of One Taste
I want to tell you about Nicole Daedone, the owner, founder, and teacher of One Taste in San Francisco. She is gutsy, bold, (wait till I tell you what One Taste does), BEAUTIFUL, sexy, alive, smart, and committed. If she was a movie and I were a movie critic, my review of her would be that little picture where the guy is clapping and jumping out of his seat!!!
First about One Taste. It is an urban center in San Francisco (and New York) where people can practice orgasmic meditation and mindful sexuality! Woooooohooooo!!! (Back to me. Can you refocus?) They have a program training practitioners to become “Slow Sex Coaches”. I have heard of them about 5 years ago, and have always admired what they stood for. And now I got invited to help them train their coaches on life coaching skills.
Four weeks ago, I met Nicole (the owner) and Justine (the executive director) for the first time, for an interview (to make sure that I check out). After the initial hello and how are you, they asked me to tell them about myself. I took a deep breath, and intuitively told them something pertinent about myself. In less than five minutes, Nicole interrupted me and said to Justine “if it’s alright with everyone, I would like to cut in here and let you know what I think. She (referring to me) feels right. My intuition tells me she is the right one. I have one concern. (directing her question to me) Can you take ownership of the room?” …and off we went. A 45 min. meeting was done in 20min. All pertinent information was covered and understood. We even had time to share our personal journey on how we became the women that we are today.
I am not bragging about Nicole because she selected me. I LOVED how she led. She was grounded, unapologetic, highly intuitive, and completely trusting of herself. She LED FROM HERSELF, instead of leading from being polite, following protocol, being nice, or “crossing all T’s” to avoid making mistakes. She was self-authorized, yet she had room to rely on her friend/executive director, Justine. She was absolutely loving yet rigorous, clear, and not gushy. It was so refreshing to be in her presence.
When I left, I walked taller, had more bounce in my steps, and breathed deeper. How she was being inspired me to take up more space and to to deepen the trust in myself. I believe that is an impact of a great leader. They leave us who came into their contact feeling taller and more grounded in our own sense of self. I can also see from the other side, if I were not right for the job, by her being so clear with herself, I would have seen clearly where I didn’t fit and what I stood for. She served as a mirror for me to see myself, definitively.
In my work with female executives, there are lots of time spent helping them defining who they are, learning to say yes and no with clear and healthy boundary, and replenishing their tank because they over worked themselves (trying to earn their worth). Nicole gives us an image of what a female leader look like when she has done her personal work. Check out this video of her talking about One Taste
Here’s to all of us female leaders, having clear boundary, trusting in ourselves, and operating from a balance of our feminine and masculine strengths (which is our beauty, smart, intuition, execution, and deep love).
As a leader and trainer for The Coaches Training Institute, I get the pleasure and honor to teach coaching training classes all over the world (Dubai, Canada, Israel, Europe, US, Asia). I love them all. And I learn so much about leadership, cultural differences and similarities, and relationships being with these beautiful people.
snowy street outside of Korea Leadership Center
Korea this time, is cold and snowy. But I like it. I don’t have to drive or live in it, so it is all good. I did slip and fall right in front of the lobby when I checked in. But thanks to yoga, I bounced up like a kid, without any pain or bruises.
I am surprised that they say that the snow is unusual for them. I thought it snows like crazy in Seoul. After all a few of the things they are known for are their “high quality” thermal underwear and kimchee ladden food to keep their internal system warm. But I guess I was wrong.
I love teaching in Korea, because the people are very dedicated. There is a different quality of dedication and application that the students possess. I wonder if it comes from their inherent values of “working hard, and be a good student.”
Learning Korean, numbers and little commands, I hope to quadruple my vocabulary by the end of my trip
I also love it because I naturally gravitate to learning Korean. I love putting words together and teaching myself new phrases. I said to my Korean co-leader yesterday in front of the room, “Chiong Mal kyopte” (you are so cute). It was so endearing and surprising to them to hear me “mispeak” their language so freely. It is my way of honoring them. And they love it.
I guess this is leadership lesson number one: your people will practice and learn new things with abandonment, if you celebrate and champion them as they blunder forward! (remembers, a smile and hand clapping will go much further than a frown and a head shake side way)
Another thing that I get from teaching in Asia, very consistently, is that the participants always come up to me (especially the women) and say “WE have been talking about you, and we LOVE that you are an Asian woman teaching us this foreign stuff. You give us a model of how we can be like. It is so refreshing to be taught by an Asian Female teacher. You are like us. And it’s about time for us Asian women or (just “us Asians if it is a man speaking to me) to step up and lead like you. You have a nice balance of East and West in you.”
Honestly, my reaction is about 20% ego satisfaction, and 80% humility and inspiration. I really get that I represent something important here especially for the female leaders. My sense of freedom, assuredness and ease give them a new model of what a teacher/a woman/a leader can be. It’s like I am reaching for their hands and say “COME ON, let yourself SHINE, let go (of your fears, limitations, or old trainings), and Let’s get to work.”
Perhaps the leadership lesson here is to let ourselves BE a MODEL for people. It feels a bit egotistical or arrogance to say. But like Gandhi said “Be the model of change that you want to see in the world.” I think we are modeling for our world in everything that we do. If we own that responsibility fully, we can be more of service than getting in our own ways with our “false humility, cumbersome shyness, or high maintenance denial of what is true.”
The question to ponder is “What are you modeling everyday?” or even more specific “what do you want to model? and what are you actually modeling?”
Shabu Shabu lunch with KLC Founder, Susan Gimm (to my left), Hannah my life line interpreter
Anyun-na Sayoooooh!!! (A Korean Greeting whether you are coming or going) (and you have to sing the words not just pronounce it)
A long time ago (in the early 1980s), there was this young Australian woman named Rani Muirwig. She discovered a simple little fishing town called Pemuteran, in Bali Indonesia, where there were spectacular coral reefs for snorkeling and diving. Ronnie loved to scuba dive. So, she made this town her new favorite get away place.
In the 1990’s the Indonesian government declared that bombing was the most efficient way to fish. So the fishermen were encouraged to put explosion into the ocean to kill thousands of fish at a time, despite the destructive impact on the coral reefs. Furthermore, the (very poor) fishermen discovered that aquarium fish were fetching a high price on the market. And the best way to catch them was to put cyanide poison into the coral reef to stun the fish so that they can bag them easily.
Evidence of coral reef destruction at a different beach/town that does not have Ronnie angel protection
When Rani came back to her playground some years later, she discovered that most of her reef were either dead or broken into bits and pieces washed onto the shore. The water was dark and dingy and her beautiful colorful fish were all gone. Rani was devastated.
She didn’t know what to do or whom to turn to. Because this was not seen as a problem to anyone there. She tried to complain, but to whom? The fishermen were just trying to feed their family. Pemuteran was a very harsh place, very little rain, no rice growing field, very little tourist, and no factory. She spent many days walking up and down her favorite beach, sucking hard on her cigarettes, trying to think of ways to stop this madness.
Pemuteran: Harsh and dry
Luckily by 1997, because the reef was destroyed, along with global warming, the fishing became much more scarce and the local government had to do something to address their livelihood problem. At the same time, by some divine intervention (the Balinese would say) Rani met Professor Wolf Hibertz on one of her walks on the beach. This wiry gray hair man, was busy setting up some strange new contraption on her beach. As the two got to know each other, she learned that he was working on a BioRock project, where he and his team go around the world to try to revitalize and safe the coral reefs.
Coral Process
The process was very simple. They attached various live corals to a metal framework (this served as the anode), then ran 12 volt electricity to it (via solar power) and attached a cathode nearby, somehow the current flow between the cathode and anode stimulated growth in the coral, five times faster than normal speed.
Excitedly, Rani said “That’s great!!! can you fix all the reef here? How many more of these things can you put in? Problem solved, right?” “Not so fast” he said. “First of all, to revive this coast right here we would require many structures, and that needs money. Secondly if they continue to bomb the reef as we build them up, it would defeat our purpose. We must get the locals involved and change their thinking and ways of fishing. And we can’t change that unless we help them feed their families.”
Thousand of species of fish have come back to Pemuteran
Long story short, Rani got involved! She spent the last ten years taking on this project. She became the protector and driving force behind the technology. Today, the reefs in Pemuteran are beautiful and full of fish. I saw them with my own eyes. The gentle waves that lap onto the beach are not cluttered with bits of crumbled corals, unlike other beaches in Bali, where there is no coral reef protection enforcement. The scientists are long gone. Rani is left with a small handful of locals to maintain and care for the project. Tourism is alive and well in Pemuteran, because people want to see the project and the reefs, therefore the town of Pemuteran has a source of income. So the fish are happy, the people are happy, and Rani is happy.
See the metal structure underneath the healthy growing corals?
The reason why I wrote about Rani, is because of the leadership story underneath the coral reef story. As I listened to her recounting her involvement, looked a the lines on her face, and felt the passion in her words (ten plus years into this project and she was still passionate), I was moved and inspired by her. She is a simple woman, just another global citizen like anyone of us. She didn’t have any grand plan to do good or make a difference. She just loved looking at those pretty fish around the corals. Yet she made a huge difference because she cared and because she got involved. And she is humble about it, doing everything that is needed to keep the project alive and to revitalize Pemuteran. She is not thumping her chest to say “Look at me, Look at me…” She is truly an example of a female leader.
Here’s to you Rani. Thank you for bringing the fish back to Pemuteran.
ps. If you would like to know more details, this 7min. link explains what happened http://tinyurl.com/baliuntamed-pemuteran-MaiVu
A new specie of fish just invaded the reef
And if you would like to participate in saving the coral reefs, you can adopt a baby coral. It’s COOL! and makes a meaningful gift for someone. The gift that keeps on giving.
WE BECAME UNTAMED.Just like every group that gets together for a purpose, there is a cycle that it must go through: Forming, Storming, Norming, and Performing.Six days ago when we first met, we were enthusiastic, innocent, and congenial.The idea of a trip to see the untamed parts of Bali was shiny and romantic.We were on our honeymoon with each other.Well after six days of heat, squeezing 7 American bodies into a medium size SUV, compromising different levels of personal needs, varied definitions of what “untamed” mean therefore expectations are met and not met, we all became a bit untamed ourselves.I have no doubt that we will come together as a group and finish the trip out splendidly.It’s just a little fun to watch at the moment.
Interesting Facts about Bali and Balinese that I learned:
-Bali has a cast system that has three levels.Unlike India, they can cross marry easily.But wealth and privileges still belong to the highest level.
-Either the youngest or oldest son of a Balinese family must stay home to take care of the parents.
-When a daughter gets married, she no longer gets the inheritance of her own family.She becomes part of her husband’s family.Her husband gets to have his inheritance.(She is s.o.l. as we would say.)
The oldest daughter or daughter in law gets to serve the meal
-Traditional Balinese meals are served to the elders and men of the family first, after that the women get to eat, then the children.
-In general, it appears that as much as one half to three quarter of the land property is dedicated space for the family temple, and the left over space is their living quarter.
-They pray and do devotion at least twice a day, the average is five times a day.
-Temple space is always divided into three sections: the beginning (birth), middle (life), end (death).So in a town there are at least 3 main temples: Beginning, Middle, End.In a home, the temple area is divided that way too.
-For Balinese people harmony, spirituality, and community are some of their highest values.
Daily offering morning and evening
Flowers for the Spirits, Rice for the ants
-At the core, Balinese believe in Animalism first, then Hinduism or other religions on top of that.So we see little food offering left out everywhere, to honor the trees, the spirits, ancestors, even for the little ants to partake in the day’s eateries.
-Beautiful sarongs are always worn to the temple to show respect to the gods. (The sarongs are HOT to wear. Cause they block the wind from cooling your legs down. Give me shorts any day)
-Many people still wear everyday sarongs for most of their daily activities.
-Balinese live in a community based society.Most decisions are decided and carried out from community meetings that are held at local banjars (town hall meeting space).
-When you meet a Balinese person, they always ask “where are you going?” and “where did you come from” so that they can connect with you.They are not being nosy or rude (or planning to attack you if they know where you will be).
- Balinese people still go down to the river and do their washing and bathing. I have been in that river, and it’s refreshing.
Last but not least (for now), I am rereading the “Love” part of “Eat, Pray, Love.”It’s fun to experience Bali then check it against what Elizabeth Gilbert wrote so I can understand more of what just happened.To me the book is pretty accurate.Oh, and Julia Roberts is in Bali right now finishing up filming for “Eat, Pray, Love” Lots of hoo-ha’s and gossips about that. Can’t wait to see the movie.
