This is the day after the event where Keith n I took some of the team members on a tour of San Francisco. We were exhausted so we start the day at this most amazing chiropractor place to reset our body. Then we were greeted by Burma Love restaurant across the street that had exquisite lotus chips! Afterward we fueled up with more coffee n ice cream before we hit the sight seeing tour. I showed them my favorite angles of the City. Of course I had to show them something unique about SF, so we went to see the SF Amory. Not only did this place have a heroic past, it also is/was the film set for Kink.com I will leave it up to you to Google up what that means. It was “eye opening” to say the least.
But most interesting about this trip was the ending of the day.
Our car were broken into n a few of us lost valuable stuff: Keith suffered a $1000 car damage, Adam got his luggage stolen including his laptop, that totaled up to $10k, and Annika lost her day pack that totaled up to $500.
It was amazing to watch each one of us process our losses. The coolest gift from the Universe came when I drove us home. I felt compelled to take a pit stop on Treasure Island.
We pulled over to look at the magnificent view of SF at night and there were three raccoons foraging right at our feet. I immediately Googled up what raccoon means as the spirit animal that just showed up on our path. And this is what it said.
And so my dear friends…wherever you are, who knows what’s good and what’s bad. But I do know that we are always guided and loved by the Universe. And there are lessons a plenty to help us release our attachments and let love in; however that love shows up. And frankly that is what HOT LIFE HOT LOVE is all about.
This is for all you tired moms, who wake up one day and realize that you’re dead and numb in your marriage.
You have been doing the chores, giving it your all, but you have no more passion left. You dream of leaving. The thoughts of dating again; breaking up your family, and the substantial cost of divorce gives you the willies. So instead, you put on a happy face, drink another glass of wine or eat more cake to numb or drown out the voice inside that is screaming: “GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF HERE!” “IS THIS ALL THERE IS TO LIFE?!” “I HATE HIM!!!; I HATE THEM!!!”, “I HATE ME!!! and, last but not least “HELP ME!!!”
The Usual complaints I hear sound like this:
I don’t feel it with him anymore.
We haven’t been connecting for years.
I want someone to LOVE!
I want to be on the same track with him and enjoy doing things together.
I want my passion back!
We used to be so in love! Now we are just roommates.
He doesn’t get me.
These voices usually aren’t heard unless there is a new love interest on the side, an affair (either of the mind or a cardinal sin of the flesh). And the affair is so rich, so luscious, so Technicolor while the marriage is monotonous, boring, and dull gray. Most people make the mistake of leaping into the affair, fantasizing that “THIS is it… THIS is the solution to my problem… If I can just have this new person, all my pain and deadness would be gone and once again I will live happily ever after.” Sad to say that is most often NOT the case.
The answer is simple: You both lost yourself in the mundaneness of everyday life AND the noble task of parenting. You dedicated your life to being a good mom, a good wife, a good income earner, a good housemate, etc… After ten, twenty, or thirty years of this, you had an epiphany: “Hey I am NOT HAPPYYYYYYY!” You have lost yourself, your passion, your motivation. Hell, you have even lost your sex drive! (For some of us, the reverse is true. Your sex drive kicks into full gear. You have to try to suppress that or act it out in the least healthy way… by having an affair.)
All you have left is PRETENTION.
You pretend to be happy.
You pretend to like: your job, your house, your neighbors, your kids, your spouse, even yourself.
You pretend that everything is good enough, but nothing is.
You pretend to have a good life on FB and Instagram, BUT, inside you are dying.
Physically you get fatter and fatter. You are haggard. You let yourself go. You avoid all mirrors whenever possible, and you hate having your picture taken. The truth is too ugly to bear. You stopped talking to each other about 15 years ago. When you do talk, it’s about the children, the weather, the parent meeting, or the chores at hand. You run more carpools and bake more cookies to avoid feeling your pain. You seethe with resentment. Whatever he does, it’s too little, too late, and always wrong! It seems so obvious to you that at this point you have no choice but to divorce. But that’s not true!!! Trust me… divorce is not the answer.
I know this. Because if I knew then what I know now, I probably would not have divorced. And I have been able to save ALL of my clients’ marriages when they asked for my help. It doesn’t have to be a long and drawn out 2-3 years of therapy with little to no progress. Failing marriages have become a UNIVERSAL HUMAN problem, an epidemic. It NEVER is because you didn’t do enough.
If you are on the brink of divorcing…
Yet there is at least 5% of you wondering or hoping that there is an EASY way to save this;
Or you want to avoid the pain and confusion to your children;
And you want to avoid feeling misplaced shame and disappointment to your family;
Finally you want to avoid the excruciating cost of breaking up your marriage,
I sincerely invite you to my Hot Life Hot Love 2-day Live Event. You owe it to yourself and your kids. You don’t have time to waste. Your future is at stake. Give me one weekend to help you before you sign the divorce papers.
Sexcapade in the City…Part One Smokin’ HOT Show – No Prudes Allowed
Have You Ever Had a Sexcapade? Just What IS a Sexcapade? You just have to tune in to find out. It’s True Confessions time for Mai and Valerie – the raw, uncut, unfiltered story (and this is only Part One!) It’s a Hot Life Hot Love exclusive so tune in at 7pm Pacific / 10 Eastern
It’s 12:19pm, and my sweetheart asked from the kitchen, “Are you interested in a soft-boiled egg [for breakfast]?”
I am cranking away on my laptop with a million thoughts going on. I am frozen at the question. It feels like too much to have to answer that. I have to decide… “Do I want to eat?” “Do I want to eat a soft-boiled egg?” then becomes “Do I want to make a healthy smoothie instead?” “Do I want to quit writing to feed myself?”
I read an article recently called “Why Steve Jobs only wears jeans and a black T-shirt”. They talked about Decision-Making Fatigue. Yup, it is a real term, a real condition. When we have to make so many decisions in a day, we can experience fatigue — where it actually stops us from making good decisions. It makes me think of divorced moms who are dating again while building a business and raising children. WE (I am in this demographic) are bombarded with decisions to make in a day, and the more successful we are, the more complex decisions we have to make.
I see a very common mistake that my clients make due to this decision-making fatigue condition. They ALWAYS put love last, behind building their business and taking care of their children. The mindset is automatic: “I don’t have time for that” or “I don’t need that right now.”
This leaves them depleted and angry. They don’t know why they are angry. Sometimes they don’t even know that they are pissed off. They just get frustrated at random things. It’s because they are not making good decisions. They are making decisions to cope with life instead of making decisions to build a hot life, to have life be yummy and fun. They are just coping. In their coping mechanism, they unknowingly push love and support away.
Back to my kitchen:
After a full minute of “Duh… I don’t know,” I said to him, “Yes please. And I don’t like it runny.”
The next thing I know, I was able to finish this article while two soft boiled eggs, half a grapefruit, and a piece of toast were served up to me.
YAY!!! I am fed and off to the next thing on my long list of to-do’s. My sweetheart felt like my hero.
My wish for you in 2016 is that you make yummy decisions that involve letting love in, that you don’t have to wear the same black t-shirt and jeans everyday in order to make good decisions, and that you have a hot man in the kitchen making you breakfast whether you recognize you need it or not. International Speaker and Master Coach, Mai Vu works with women entrepreneurs who are divorced & dating again. She helps you build a hot business while attracting your hot love, so you can live your hot life. Mai has a successful six-figure coaching business, serving over 1000 women worldwide for the past 20 years. Look for Mai’s upcoming book due to be released in February on Amazon: To Be Loved, Adored, and Cherished – The Divorced Mom’s Guide to Dating. You can find Mai at
It’s January 20th, but I thought it was January 25th already. The Xmas tree is still up, and desperately needs to be put away. I missed the sales on Xmas decoration plastic containers, and now they are sold out at Target. How did this happen? How did I get so behind so soon?
…The More Behind I Get
I had so many plans for January. I was supposed to be orderly, on track, ahead of schedule. The financial books were supposed to be updated and ready for taxes this year, the house was supposed to be organized and ready to receive the new and prosperous year, the business plan was supposed to execute flawlessly, blah blah blah… It seems like the key words here are “supposed to be” and I find myself NOT meeting my own expectations. Whoaaaa!!! 😱 😩😪
Yoga, Meditation, and Crack Cocaine
When things fall apart, I go back to meditation and yoga. My body is jittery like I’m withdrawing from crack cocaine on both the meditation cushion and the yoga mat. I can’t hold a pose or sit still for longer than 5 minutes. This tells me that I am stressed and overwhelmed. Yikes! 😖 What do you do when this happens to you?
My 5 Steps to Pull it Together
I stop and do what I teach my hard-working, entrepreneur moms, who want it all: a successful thriving business, happy kids, and a hot love life!
Step 1: Breathe
Step 2: Tend to your hard-working, stressed out “peasant” woman inside. Ask her what am I afraid of? What is the pressure that I am putting on myself? What do I need to let go, but I am afraid to do it? Breathe! 💆
Step 3: Give yourself a big reassuring hug: “It’s OK, Everything is OK. Everything WILL be OK.” Breathe (yes, again)!
Step 4: Pick ONE thing to focus on and finish. One small thing is good enough. Push everything aside. Just do one thing. Breathe. 🚀
Step 5: Celebrate and love the heck out of yourself for getting that done. Yay!!! 🎉