Before You Divorce, READ THIS!

Avoid Divorce-Save Your Marriage!

This is for all you tired moms, who wake up one day and realize that you’re dead and numb in your marriage.

 You have been doing the chores, giving it your all, but you have no more passion left.  You dream of leaving. The thoughts of dating again; breaking up your family, and the substantial cost of divorce gives you the willies. So instead, you put on a happy face, drink another glass of wine or eat more cake to numb or drown out the voice inside that is screaming: “GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF HERE!” “IS THIS ALL THERE IS TO LIFE?!”  “I HATE HIM!!!;  I HATE THEM!!!”, “I HATE ME!!! and, last but not least “HELP ME!!!”

 

 

The Usual complaints I hear sound like this:

  •     I don’t feel it with him anymore.
  •     We haven’t been connecting for years.
  •     I want someone to LOVE!
  •     I want to be on the same track with him and enjoy doing things together.
  •     I want my passion back!
  •     We used to be so in love!  Now we are just roommates.
  •     He doesn’t get me.

 

 

These voices usually aren’t heard unless there is a new love interest on the side, an affair (either of the mind or a cardinal sin of the flesh).  And the affair is so rich, so luscious, so Technicolor while the marriage is monotonous, boring, and dull gray.  Most people make the mistake of leaping into the affair, fantasizing that “THIS is it… THIS is the solution to my problem… If I can just have this new person, all my pain and deadness would be gone and once again I will live happily ever after.”  Sad to say that is most often NOT the case.

 

What Happened?

You’ve become a Supermom!

The answer is simple: You both lost yourself in the mundaneness of everyday life AND the noble task of parenting. You dedicated your life to being a good mom, a good wife, a good income earner, a good housemate, etc… After ten, twenty, or thirty years of this, you had an epiphany: “Hey I am NOT HAPPYYYYYYY!” You have lost yourself, your passion, your motivation. Hell, you have even lost your sex drive! (For some of us, the reverse is true. Your sex drive kicks into full gear. You have to try to suppress that or act it out in the least healthy way… by having an affair.)

 

All you have left is PRETENTION.

  • You pretend to be happy.
  • You pretend to like: your job, your house, your neighbors, your kids, your spouse, even yourself.
  • You pretend that everything is good enough, but nothing is.
  • You pretend to have a good life on FB and Instagram, BUT, inside you are dying.

 

Physically you get fatter and fatter. You are haggard. You let yourself go.  You avoid all mirrors whenever possible, and you hate having your picture taken. The truth is too ugly to bear.  You stopped talking to each other about 15 years ago. When you do talk, it’s about the children, the weather, the parent meeting, or the chores at hand. You run more carpools and bake more cookies to avoid feeling your pain.  You seethe with resentment.  Whatever he does, it’s too little, too late, and always wrong! It seems so obvious to you that at this point you have no choice but to divorce. But that’s not true!!! Trust me… divorce is not the answer.  

I know this.  Because if I knew then what I know now, I probably would not have divorced.  And I have been able to save ALL of my clients’ marriages when they asked for my help.  It doesn’t have to be a long and drawn out 2-3 years of therapy with little to no progress.  Failing marriages have become a UNIVERSAL HUMAN problem, an epidemic.  It NEVER is because you didn’t do enough.  

If you are on the brink of divorcing…

  • Yet there is at least 5% of you wondering or hoping that there is an EASY way to save this;
  • Or you want to avoid the pain and confusion to your children;
  • And you want to avoid feeling misplaced shame and disappointment to your family;
  • Finally you want to avoid the excruciating cost of breaking up your marriage,  

I sincerely invite you to my Hot Life Hot Love 2-day Live Event. You owe it to yourself and your kids. You don’t have time to waste. Your future is at stake. Give me one weekend to help you before you sign the divorce papers.

 

Start your journey back:  Hot Life Hot Love 2-day Live Event 

See you there!  Register now before you get stuck in your hole and do something that will wreck your life.

 

With Love,

“Are You Interested in a Soft-Boiled Egg?”

 

It’s 12:19pm, and my sweetheart asked from the kitchen, “Are you interested in a soft-boiled egg [for breakfast]?”

I am cranking away on my laptop with a million thoughts going on. I am frozen at the question. It feels like too much to have to answer that. I have to decide… “Do I want to eat?” “Do I want to eat a soft-boiled egg?” then becomes “Do I want to make a healthy smoothie instead?” “Do I want to quit writing to feed myself?”

Mai & Keith at Machu Picchu-2015
Mai & Keith at Machu Picchu-2015

I read an article recently called  “Why Steve Jobs only wears jeans and a black T-shirt”. They talked about Decision-Making Fatigue. Yup, it is a real term, a real condition. When we have to make so many decisions in a day, we can experience fatigue — where it actually stops us from making good decisions. It makes me think of divorced moms who are dating again while building a business and raising children. WE (I am in this demographic) are bombarded with decisions to make in a day, and the more successful we are, the more complex decisions we have to make.

I see a very common mistake that my clients make due to this decision-making fatigue condition. They ALWAYS put love last, behind building their business and taking care of their children. The mindset is automatic: “I don’t have time for that” or “I don’t need that right now.”

This leaves them depleted and angry. They don’t know why they are angry. Sometimes they don’t even know that they are pissed off. They just get frustrated at random things. It’s because they are not making good decisions. They are making decisions to cope with life instead of making decisions to build a hot life, to have life be yummy and fun. They are just coping. In their coping mechanism, they unknowingly push love and support away.

Back to my kitchen:

After a full minute of “Duh… I don’t know,” I said to him, “Yes please. And I don’t like it runny.”

The next thing I know, I was able to finish this article while two soft boiled eggs, half a grapefruit, and a piece of toast were served up to me.

YAY!!! I am fed and off to the next thing on my long list of to-do’s. My sweetheart felt like my hero.

Everybody wins.

My wish for you in 2016 is that you make yummy decisions that involve letting love in, that
you don’t have to wear the same black t-shirt and jeans everyday in order to make good
decisions, and that you have a hot man in the kitchen making you breakfast whether you recognize you need it or not. International Speaker and Master Coach, Mai Vu works with
women entrepreneurs who are divorced & dating again. She helps you build a hot business while attracting your hot love, so you can live your hot life. Mai has a successful six-figure coaching business, serving over 1000 women worldwide for the past 20 years. Look for Mai’s upcoming book due to be released in February on Amazon: To Be Loved, Adored, and Cherished – The Divorced Mom’s Guide to Dating. You can find Mai at

www.MaiVuCoach.com

 

What I Learned About Dating from My Safari Adventure

Last week was my sweetheart’s 67th birthday. Yup, he is definitely getting up there. So to celebrate the kid in him, I booked a two-night stay on Airbnb at a Tree House. For a little adventure I took him on a Safari, right here in Northern California, Petaluma of all places.

Treehouse Air BnB
Our Air BnB in the treetop!

The tree house was fabulous.  I highly recommend it.  (Tell Joe, I recommended you)  I cannot describe adequately what it was like to hangout where the birds live.  It’s ethereal, magical, light, surprising, uplifted, etc… did I say magical?

But what I really want to talk to you about is the lesson that I got from visiting the wild animals at Safari West.

About the park:

This is an African adventure in the heart of California wine country.  It’s a pretty amazing experience but, here, check out their website!

Me and Zoos:

I hate zoos.  I hate circuses.  I hate SeaWorld.  I hate seeing captive wild animals in small containers for human enjoyment.  So I was totally dumbfounded that I took Keith to a “zoo.” 

This was no zoo.

Safari West is the Serengeti in Sonoma county.  Let me get to the point.  There are 1,000 animals living peacefully on this 150 acres land.  The big carnivores like cheetahs and foxes have their own individual luxury enclosures.  While the other herd animals like antelopes and buffalos roam free in much larger territories.  To see them, we got to ride in a safari truck, that drove right up to their watering hole or hangout place. 

2015-12-10 Safari Adventure 2

Is This Good for the Animals?

My first serious question to the guide was:  “Do the cheetahs get bored and sad to be stuck in an enclosure? They no longer have to hunt or chase.  Is that good for them?”

His answer surprised me.  He said: “It’s like the cheetah won the lottery.  In the wild, when he hunts, he catches ¼ of all the games that he goes after.  Once he catches it, he loses all energy, so he cannot defend his win.  The other big cats like lions and hyenas wait for him to do the hard work, then steal the food from him.  He ends up getting to eat 10% of all the food that he goes after. 

Here in the reserve, he has an easy life.  He suns himself daily.  Everyday, his food is delivered to him at a consistent time.  He sleeps, plays, eats, and mates if he wants to.  He and all other animals live longer, and breed more.  These are signs of a happy animal.” 

Furthermore, many of the species on this reserve are extinct in the wild.  But here at Safari West they are able to survive and breed again. 

I was blown away.  The animals are happier and breed more, living in a “captive” environment.  This is a place we can meet animals that no longer exist in the wild.

Hold your judgement.  There is more.

We drove up to the Zebra and other hoofed animals area.  The guide got out and opened the big fence to let his truck through.  (Yup, it was a little eerie, like the scene in Jurassic Park, the movie.)  Just for fun, I asked the guide if any animal has stalked the gate and waited for the right moment to escape from the enclosure.  Again his answer blew me away. 

He said “No, never.  If you think about it, why would they want to leave?  This is where home is. Their family is here.  And their food is brought to them here.  So there is no reason why they would want to go elsewhere.”

2015-12-10 Safari Adventure 3

How does this relate to you and dating?

I don’t know.  But I do know how it ties to me and dating.  When I first met Keith, I knew that he was a nice man, honest and sincere, possibly someone I can count on.  I could tell that he wanted a steady girlfriend, and he kept saying: “You are the last girlfriend that I will have.”

Funny thing… He thought he was expressing commitment and sincerity to me.  I thought he was choking me to death. I felt like I was going to lose my freedom and be stuck with an old man and become his care taker.  I hated and was so fearful that he was 17 years older than me. 

It has been 8 years, he has treated me with utmost care. Keith is teaching me to be a princess, and let myself be loved, adored, and cherished. He cooks, cleans, juices, and takes out spots on my dresses for me. He fixes my technology problems, builds my website, travels with me to all of my speaking gigs to videotape and help me produce my events. I do feel like the cheetah in the reserve: well cared for, protected, and cherished.  

Of course I got to thinking, specifically about divorced moms who are dating again.  You work so hard to build a business or excel in your career; you care for your children, and you are always alone being there for everyone else.  Nothing is easy.  “Food” is not brought to you.  Like the cheetahs in the wild, you have to hunt for customers to make money.  When you come home, you are exhausted; it is almost impossible to date or have fun.  You are exhausted, angry, and frustrated.  To put it in the animal language, your life expectancy is low.  Yet you keep pushing yourself to do more and expecting yourself to last.

Imagine what it would be like if you have someone to love, adore, and cherish you?  Someone to support you, help you be the best you can be? Cook for you, rub your tired feet?  Help you with technology while you build your business? Tend to you when you are sick? 

Most divorced moms who are considering dating again tend to have a fear that a new relationship would look like what happened to them when they were married.  Their old marriage is the equivalent of the old fashion zoo, where big animals were kept inhumanely in tiny cages.  These women are deathly afraid of losing their hard earned freedom. 

What if a new do-over relationship in your late forties and beyond is more like being on this wonderful reserve? Like you won the lottery?  You will have a place to shelter and care for you.  You will no longer have to fend for yourself.  You will thrive again.

Mai Vu Coach, founder of the Hot Life Hot Love team.  I help hard working divorced moms to build a hot business while cultivating hot love, so that they can have a hot life!  I am writing my book that will be due out in late January 2016: Dating Guide for Divorced Moms: How to Be Loved, Adored, and CherishedClick here if you want to get sneak peak into the book as it is being written.

Are Swedish Women In Danger of Extinction?

Are Swedish Women In Danger of Extinction?

  Swedish Women Endangered

Marriage Failures in Sweden Are Up

In 2013, a total of 25,100 Swedish marriages ended in divorce. That’s a record high since 1975 according to figures released by Statistics Sweden (Statistika centralbyrån). Now, more and more people prefer to engage in long-term partnerships, thus having children outside of marriages. However, even though the statistics regarding the termination of these relationships are harder to track, my Swedish clients are telling me these partnerships do not last long either. Break-ups for couples with children continue to have a huge toll on everyone involved, from the parents to the child.   This is leaving a trajicly large pool of divorced moms in Sweden.

 The Plight of Divorced Swedish  Women

Since they are whom I work with, I will speak the divorced women’s side of this equation. After meeting and working with many women, what I have found is that the single moms in Sweden are exhausted, overwhelmed, and frustrated. 90 percent of the women that I have talked to, reported that they have or were experiencing burn-out, depression, or sick leave because of stress. They are carrying so much on their plate: from trying to make a better economy for themselves and their kids (usually struggling with a dead-end or boring job, or overworked in their own business) to constantly feeling guilty about how they are not doing enough for their kids, their house, and their work. They are always worrying that they are not doing “it” right, and they continue to take care of everything else—their aging parents, their friends, and their community. Meanwhile, they struggle to find someone who will be there to love and support them. They long for someone to be a good partner both in their everyday tasks, and in understanding their priorities to their children, while still being there to have fun, talk to, and experience passion with.

What Do Most Single Swedish Women Want?

 The most pertinent questions of these single women are:

  • How come I am working so hard when I’m not even getting what I want?
  • How come I am not happy? When will my life become better?
  • How come I don’t have enough time for everything in my life?
  • How do I get the love, support, money and success that I want?

Married Swedish Women Want Almost the Same Things!

And for the women who are married or are in long-term relationships, their complaints sound slightly different, but underneath, it’s the same tired, overwhelmed frustrations.

Their complaints are:

  • How come I am working so hard with so few results?
  • How come I am not happy, and when will I be?
  • How come I don’t have enough time to take care of everything? (same as above)
  • How come my husband is so incapable of meeting me, or so unavailable to catch up with me? (Shhhhh, this is their deep secret. It takes awhile for them to admit this.)

The truth is, for women in long-term partnerships, there are a lot of disappointments that they are living with. Their men are usually kind, considerate, reliable, and a good father. But as a partner to them, the men are falling a little short.   Communication and common interest outside of caring for the children have dwindled down to some type of grunt, sigh, or eye-roll. Sex and passion are at best obligatory. And everything (finance, change, joy, play) seems limited and difficult. The women are not happy and are not being met with a passionate, focus, and powerful partner that they deserve. For these women, there are only three solutions: to leave, to stay, or to work harder to compensate for this lack.

What Happens if the Woman Leaves the Relationship?

Why this is so alarming is because in the animal kingdom, if the female (the caregiver) is not strong enough, the species will die out! What we are seeing for humans is that as the woman, the mom, the partner gets more and more loaded with responsibilities, she becomes weaker mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. There is not enough time and energy left in her to raise her children properly, to contribute to a healthy society, and to enjoy love and partnership with their men. Swedish women are depleted. The harder they try to accommodate, the worse their situation becomes. This is bad for the women, for the children, for the men involved, and for society as a whole.

What is the Man’s Role in a Relationship?

Speaking of men, it’s not a bed of roses for them either. Men are also hurting in this journey. And even though it’s no fault of their own, most of the time, the men find themselves a source to be blamed on, for their woman’s unhappiness.   What I know about them: men want to be partners with women, and they want to love, protect and care for their women. They want to be the hero for and to please women. When a woman is so tired, overwhelmed, and angry about her life, she can’t let any man in. The woman actually becomes a “Hero Killer,” resulting in a situation where nothing a guy does will ever be good enough, because internally, the woman does not feel like she is good enough. That creates a huge disparity between men and women. No one is happy then.

Where Can Women Get Help?

This is where I come in. This past year over 25 thousand Swedish women are wondering what’s next after their official divorce. To put it simply, I show women how to let love in, to replenish themselves, to be happy again, so that they can turn this dynamic around. Only when the woman feels more ease and more supported can she open up to let more money, success, connection, and passion in. I also show women what they are doing that blocks them from having the love, joy, and economy that they want. This is what I call your Hot Life Hot Love!

 

Get the Love, Happiness and Success That You Want!

This is why I am so passionate about working with divorced and single moms. I am one of them. I know what it is like to be working so hard and not getting the love and happiness and success that I want. I love seeing that turnaround in women. It’s easier than you think. I will be back on October 3-4, 2015 in Malmo, Sweden to bring my 2 Day Live Event Hot Life Hot Love. At the event I will show every women step by step, what is happening that leaves them so unhappy. Then, I’ll demonstrate how to turn it all around so that they can have more love, support, success, and joy in their lives!

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BIO: MV-5-Brown RuffleMai Vu is an International Speaker and Master Coach with 20 years experience. Mai works with tired female entrepreneurs and career women who are divorced & dating again. Mai has a successful 6 figure coaching business, serving over 1000 women all over the world. She has trained and certified over 1000 life coaches for The Coaches Training Institute, the world most prestigious and oldest coach training school. Mai Vu has been described as playful, funny, bold, and is a stand for all humans having Hot Life & Hot Love!

Magic, Miracles, and Mosquitoes in the Amazon, Oh My!

 EmailHeader-PostAyahausca

Magic, Miracles, and Mosquitoes in the Amazon – Oh My!

Iquitos-MapIs visiting the Amazon and going to Machu Picchu on your bucket list?  I highly recommend that you bump it up and go sooner than later. You need stamina for this kind of trip.  And it’s too good to wait. 

I had the great honor and blessing to spend 15 days in The Amazon jungle, living on site with the shaman and his family, alongside 7 other American friends as we seek out the wisdom and healing of the Ayahuasca medicine.  Afterward we spent 6 days touring around Cuzco, the neighboring cities, and finally making it to Machu Picchu.

 

 

MachuPichuIt was an incredible trip in so many ways.  It has been a few weeks since I got back and I am still struggling for words to describe and capture the full extent of the journey.  Partly because all the pieces are still coming together.  Perhaps that is one of the many messages that I am receiving:  Life and her lessons continue to show themselves to me, long after the event is over.  My job is to look, listen, and take in.  

I will break the highlights into different links, so that you can click on to whatever topic that interest you the most.  I have some beautiful pictures of the trip; the Ayahuasca process and her impact on us; and what 3 things I learned from The Amazon that might help you with your business and love life.  

 

As always I look forward to hearing your reactions and comments.  

Please leave me a note below and share what calls to you from the Amazon or the Ayahuasca Experience.

 

Now, That’s HOT!

 

MaiVu-Signature-xparent

 

 

Mai

For more information on Mai’s Signature Event “Hot Life Hot Love” Click here