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Leaders Need to Get With The Times!

Yesterday, I spent the whole day working in bed, watching live streaming of inspirational speakers from TEDxSF “ALIVE! Maximum Living as a Human” Event. They featured great new thinkers like Simon Mainwaring (his talk: From Me First to We First Living); Eythor Bender (his talk: Merging Technology and the Human Body); Shereef Bishay (his talk: Bettermeans, Redesigning work structure and work contract); Nicole Daedone (her talk: Orgasmic Meditation, The Cure of Human Hunger)

Today I read Emotional Intelligence at the Heart of Performance article by the Hay Group, posted on May 18, 2011.

I have to say my honest reaction was “REALLY? ARE WE STILL TALKING ABOUT THIS? Do we (consultants) have to still convince corporations that developing intelligence around our emotion and social skills is at the heart of all performance success?”

I don’t know who is behind? the consultants who still need to harp about this, or the corporate clients who are reluctant to implement organizational changes, OR the actual worker-bees who are still in denial that changes in their behaviors are needed?

I think we need to get with the times. Human evolution is evolving so fast, along with planet change and global power shift, we have got to get the basics down so that we can get to more fun stuff.

Here is my list of the basic stuff that leaders have to get handled (already):

1. RESPECT. Respect the human beings that you are working with, assume the best, set clear boundaries, and provide a space for them to thrive.
2. IMPACT. Know that no matter what position you are in, you have IMPACTS, all around you. Be responsible for your impact.
3. LOVE. Love yourself, love others, love your work, love your community, and love your mankind. “Dude”, this is basic! If you are not finding the love, you either need to leave, go find it, or ask for help.
4. COMMUNICATE. Make yourself available for communication, be open, be humble, be inviting, be collaborative. Nobody is perfect, and you don’t have to be either. Just communicate.
5. LEAN IN. When things get tough, when we are scared, when resources dwindle, we pull out and protect ourselves. Yet that is the time where we have to LEAN IN. Lean into each other. The answers reside inside US.

 

Now for the fun stuff: What we need to learn to do and be next:

1. EXPANSION. Think bigger, crazier, dreamier! Make work juicy, real, engaging. Expand your thinking, allow for newness and discomfort to settle in so that we all can expand and see the impossible.
2. FLY. Human spirits are meant to fly. You know when you are. Let yourself fly and expand.
3. BREAK. Break old molds, old rules, old systems, old thoughts, old containers. Challenge everything. If it breaks then it is meant to be broken. Build anew!
4. BE REGENERATIVE. Don’t just consume and take. GENERATE AND RE-GENERATE. Expect and demand higher output from yourself. Stay awake, don’t fall back to sleep.
5. LEAD. This to me almost belongs to the basic stuff. But I settle and put it here. EVERYONE IS A LEADER. It’s fun when everyone leads AND follows fluidly. This is how our spirit will know that we are flying.
6. CHANGE THE WORLD. Let’s do it. We can totally heal and recreate our world. Everywhere I have traveled in the last 15 years, people are dissatisfied with life as is and are actively looking for ways to make a difference. If we all decide today, that everything we take part in, our thoughts, actions, words are always directed to better our life and our world. Don’t settle for less.

Let’s go play TOGETHER!

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Leadership Lessons on the Road: Sexy Powerful Female Leader Role Model, San Francisco

Yahoo! Holly Molly!!! OMG!!!!  Rarely do I meet a female leader that inspires me so much I want to run home and write about.

Founder of One Taste

Founder of One Taste

I want to tell you about Nicole Daedone, the owner, founder, and teacher of One Taste in San Francisco.  She is gutsy, bold, (wait till I tell you what One Taste does), BEAUTIFUL, sexy, alive, smart, and committed.  If she was a movie and I were a movie critic, my review of her would be that little picture where the guy is clapping and jumping out of his seat!!!

First about One Taste.  It is an urban center in San Francisco (and New York) where people can practice orgasmic meditation and mindful sexuality!  Woooooohooooo!!!  (Back to me.  Can you refocus?) They have a program training practitioners to become “Slow Sex Coaches”.  I have heard of them about 5 years ago, and have always admired what they stood for.  And now I got invited to help them train their coaches on life coaching skills.

Four weeks ago, I met Nicole (the owner) and Justine (the executive director) for the first time, for an interview (to make sure that I check out).  After the initial hello and how are you, they asked me to tell them about myself.  I took a deep breath, and intuitively told them something pertinent about myself.  In less than five minutes, Nicole interrupted me and said to Justine “if it’s alright with everyone, I would like to cut in here and let you know what I think.  She (referring to me) feels right.  My intuition tells me she is the right one.  I have one concern.  (directing her question to me) Can you take ownership of the room?” …and off we went.  A 45 min. meeting was done in 20min.   All pertinent information was covered and understood.  We even had time to share our personal journey on how we became the women that we are today.

I am not bragging about Nicole because she selected me.  I LOVED how she led.  She was grounded, unapologetic, highly intuitive, and completely trusting of herself.  She LED FROM HERSELF, instead of leading from being polite, following protocol, being nice, or “crossing all T’s” to avoid making mistakes.  She was self-authorized, yet she had room to rely on her friend/executive director, Justine.  She was absolutely loving yet rigorous, clear, and not gushy.  It was so refreshing to be in her presence.

When I left, I walked taller, had more bounce in my steps, and breathed deeper.  How she was being inspired me to take up more space and to to deepen the trust in myself.  I believe that is an impact of a great leader.  They leave us who came into their contact feeling taller and more grounded in our own sense of self.  I can also see from the other side, if I were not right for the job, by her being so clear with herself, I would have seen clearly where I didn’t fit and what I stood for.  She served as a mirror for me to see myself, definitively.

In my work with female executives, there are lots of time spent helping them defining who they are, learning to say yes and no with clear and healthy boundary, and replenishing their tank because they over worked themselves (trying to earn their worth).  Nicole gives us an image of what a female leader look like when she has done her personal work.  Check out this video of her talking about One Taste

Here’s to all of us female leaders, having clear boundary, trusting in ourselves, and operating from a balance of our feminine and masculine strengths (which is our beauty, smart, intuition, execution, and deep love).


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LEADERSHIP LESSONS on the Road: Seoul Korea Jan 6-15 2010

As a leader and trainer for The Coaches Training Institute, I get the pleasure and honor to teach coaching training classes all over the world (Dubai, Canada, Israel, Europe, US, Asia).  I love them all.  And I learn so much about leadership, cultural differences and similarities, and relationships being with these beautiful people.

snowy street outside of Korea Leadership Center

snowy street outside of Korea Leadership Center

Korea this time, is cold and snowy.  But I like it.  I don’t have to drive or live in it, so it is all good.  I did slip and fall right in front of the lobby when I checked in.  But thanks to yoga, I bounced up like a kid, without any pain or bruises.

I am surprised that they say that the snow is unusual for them.  I thought it snows like crazy in Seoul.  After all a few of the things they are known for are their “high quality” thermal underwear and kimchee ladden food to keep their internal system warm.  But I guess I was wrong.

I love teaching in Korea, because the people are very dedicated.  There is a different quality of dedication and application that the students possess.  I wonder if it comes from their inherent values of “working hard, and be a good student.”

Learning Korean, numbers and little commands, I hope to quadruple my vocabulary by the end of my trip

Learning Korean, numbers and little commands, I hope to quadruple my vocabulary by the end of my trip

I also love it because I naturally gravitate to learning Korean.  I love putting words together and teaching myself new phrases.  I said to my Korean co-leader yesterday in front of the room, “Chiong Mal kyopte”  (you are so cute).  It was so endearing and surprising to them to hear me “mispeak” their language so freely.  It is my way of honoring them.  And they love it.

I guess this is leadership lesson number one: your people will practice and learn new things with abandonment, if you celebrate and champion them as they blunder forward! (remembers, a smile and hand clapping will go much further than a frown and a head shake side way)

Another thing that I get from teaching in Asia, very consistently, is that the participants always come up to me (especially the women) and say “WE have been talking about you, and we LOVE that you are an Asian woman teaching us this foreign stuff.  You give us a model of how we can be like.  It is so refreshing to be taught by an Asian Female teacher.  You are like us.  And it’s about time for us Asian women or (just “us Asians if it is a man speaking to me) to step up and lead like you.  You have a nice balance of East and West in you.”

Honestly, my reaction is about 20% ego satisfaction, and 80% humility and inspiration.  I really get that I represent something important here especially for the female leaders.  My sense of freedom, assuredness and ease give them a new model of what a teacher/a woman/a leader can be.  It’s like I am reaching for their hands and say “COME ON, let yourself SHINE, let go (of your fears, limitations, or old trainings), and Let’s get to work.”

Perhaps the leadership lesson here is to let ourselves BE a MODEL for people. It feels a bit egotistical or arrogance to say.  But like Gandhi said “Be the model of change that you want to see in the world.”  I think we are modeling for our world in everything that we do.  If we own that responsibility fully, we can be more of service than getting in our own ways with our “false humility, cumbersome shyness, or high maintenance denial of what is true.”

The question to ponder is “What are you modeling everyday?” or even more specific “what do you want to model? and what are you actually modeling?”

Shabu Shabu lunch with KLC Founder, Susan Gimm (to my left), Hannah my life line interpreter

Shabu Shabu lunch with KLC Founder, Susan Gimm (to my left), Hannah my life line interpreter

Anyun-na Sayoooooh!!! (A Korean Greeting whether you are coming or going) (and you have to sing the words not just pronounce it)


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Bali Untamed: Day 7–Rani and Her BioRock

Saving her coral reef

Ronnie saving her coral reefs

A long time ago (in the early 1980s), there was this young Australian woman named Rani Muirwig.  She discovered a simple little fishing town called Pemuteran, in Bali Indonesia, where there were spectacular coral reefs for snorkeling and diving.  Ronnie loved to scuba dive.  So, she made this town her new favorite get away place.

In the 1990′s the Indonesian government declared that bombing was the most efficient way to fish.  So the fishermen were encouraged to put explosion into the ocean to kill thousands of fish at a time, despite the destructive impact on the coral reefs.  Furthermore, the (very poor) fishermen discovered that  aquarium fish were fetching a high price on the market.  And the best way to catch them was to put cyanide poison into the coral reef to stun the fish so that they can bag them easily.

Evidence of coral reef destruction at a different beach/town that does not have Ronnie angel protection

Evidence of coral reef destruction at a different beach/town that does not have Ronnie angel protection

When Rani came back to her playground some years later, she discovered that most of her reef were either dead or broken into bits and pieces washed onto the shore.  The water was dark and dingy and her beautiful colorful fish were all gone.  Rani was devastated.

She didn’t know what to do or whom to turn to.  Because this was not seen as a problem to anyone there.  She tried to complain, but to whom?  The fishermen were just trying to feed their family.  Pemuteran was a very harsh place, very little rain, no rice growing field, very little tourist, and no factory.  She spent many days walking up and down her favorite beach, sucking hard on her cigarettes, trying to think of ways to stop this madness.

Pemuteran: Harsh and dry

Pemuteran: Harsh and dry

Luckily by 1997, because the reef was destroyed, along with global warming, the fishing became much more scarce and the local government had to do something to address their livelihood problem.  At the same time, by some divine intervention (the Balinese would say) Rani met Professor Wolf Hibertz on one of her walks on the beach.  This wiry gray hair man, was busy setting up some strange new contraption on her beach.  As the two got to know each other, she learned that he was working on a BioRock project, where he and his team go around the world to try to revitalize and safe the coral reefs.

Coral Process

Coral Process

The process was very simple.  They attached various live corals to a metal framework (this served as the anode), then ran 12 volt electricity to it (via solar power) and attached a cathode nearby, somehow the current flow between the cathode and anode stimulated growth in the coral, five times faster than normal speed.

Excitedly, Rani said “That’s great!!! can you fix all the reef here? How many more of these things can you put in? Problem solved, right?”  “Not so fast” he said.  “First of all, to revive this coast right here we would require many structures, and that needs money.  Secondly if they continue to bomb the reef as we build them up, it would defeat our purpose.  We must get the locals involved and change their thinking and ways of fishing.  And we can’t change that unless we help them feed their families.”

Thousand of species of fish have come back to Pemuteran

Thousand of species of fish have come back to Pemuteran

Long story short, Rani got involved!  She spent the last ten years taking on this project.  She became the protector and driving force behind the technology.  Today, the reefs in Pemuteran are beautiful and full of fish.  I saw them with my own eyes.  The gentle waves that lap onto the beach are not cluttered with bits of crumbled corals, unlike other beaches in Bali, where there is no coral reef protection enforcement.  The scientists are long gone.  Rani is left with a small handful of locals to maintain and care for the project.  Tourism is alive and well in Pemuteran, because people want to see the project and the reefs, therefore the town of Pemuteran has a source of income.  So the fish are happy, the people are happy, and Rani is happy.

See the metal structure underneath the healthy growing corals?

See the metal structure underneath the healthy growing corals?

The reason why I wrote about Rani, is because of the leadership story underneath the coral reef story.  As I listened to her recounting her involvement, looked a the lines on her face, and felt the passion in her words (ten plus years into this project and she was still passionate), I was moved and inspired by her.  She is a simple woman, just another global citizen like anyone of us.  She didn’t have any grand plan to do good or make a difference.  She just loved looking at those pretty fish around the corals.  Yet she made a huge difference because she cared and because she got involved.  And she is humble about it, doing everything that is needed to keep the project alive and to revitalize Pemuteran.  She is not thumping her chest to say “Look at me, Look at me…”  She is truly an example of a female leader.

Here’s to you Rani.  Thank you for bringing the fish back to Pemuteran.

ps.  If you would like to know more details, this 7min. link explains what happened http://tinyurl.com/baliuntamed-pemuteran-MaiVu

A new specie of fish just invaded the reef

A new specie of fish just invaded the reef

And if you would like to participate in saving the coral reefs, you can adopt a baby coral.  It’s COOL! and makes a meaningful gift for someone.  The gift that keeps on giving.


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Female Leaders: Are You Too “Mothering”?

One of my clients shared a feedback that she got recently: “You are too mothering.”  She was annoyed and insulted by it.  Of course it was said to her by a male colleague, who is single and has no kid.  She felt completely unseen and unappreciated for it.

(By the way, Men, by chance you are reading this: If you ever say this to a woman, especially one who is a mother, you must be prepared for a fight, and know that this comment will sting for a long time, no matter how right you might be.)

What are the qualities of “mothering”?

As a mother, myself, I would define it as:

-  Caring, loving, dedicating of ourselves

-  Being responsible 24/7: doing chores, all the grunt work, what ever it takes to be there for…

-  Protecting, providing, serving

So when does a leader (or a mother) become too mothering?

-  She starts to believe that the org can’t do without her, so she takes on too much.  She becomes the martyr.

-  She can’t stand the thought that her people might FAIL, so she tries to overly protect.  She becomes the saint.

-  She exhausts herself.  She is an emotional wreck.  She forgets her own needs, wants, and boundaries.  She becomes a victim.

The combination of Victim, Martyr and Saint is like the iceberg to the Titanic, for female executives.

So LADIES!!! You get to keep your “mothering” qualities.  That is how women lead.  That is what makes us great.  Because we are willing to care deeply, that we would do anything to serve.  And we are creative, nimble, and a great juggler of many balls.  We are a success story.

BUT you don’t get to carry a cross, or nail yourself on the cross, or even ascend into heaven while you are leading your organization.

We need you healthy, whole, trusting, confident, and having clear boundaries and judgments.  So that you can be the great leader that we know you are.

I salute you.

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