Your PhD In Men

Looking back over the last decade, there is one thing that I am most grateful for, that once I figured it out, changed everything for me around relationships, love, and sex.  That one thing was my new found wisdom to understand men.

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 Let’s start at the beginning, way back in Vietnam 1965.  I grew up with a father who hit me for everything that my brother and I did. One time he struck me across my face for making a mistake on a math problem.  The slap was so hard, my baby tooth flew out of my mouth, slid across the floor and was never found again.  🙁

As a result of that upbringing, my first exposure to men was that they were scary and unpredictable. Their anger and rage could come down on me anytime.

Then as a teenager, my mother “bestowed” her wisdom about men on me. It went something like this:

 “There are two kinds of men, one group are rapists and the others are drunks.  So you should avoid men, boys, and guys at all cost.

 Well Hello!!! It’s no surprise that my dating life was zero and men were super freaky and scary to deal with when I was younger.  I was so scared, I only had sex with one man for the first 39 years of my life.  He became my husband because he was reliable, kind, and I knew he would not hit me.

 Not only did this faulty knowledge impact my dating life negatively, it also made me very afraid of men in the workplace.  Unconsciously I was always afraid of doing something wrong in a man’s eyes because he might hit me! And if I were having a good relationship with a man, I found myself uncomfortable around him because I truly believed I might  be forced to have sex with him.

  Eeecck! Accck!  Arggggg! Right?!!!

Fast forward to 10 years ago, I came to the realization that I wanted to learn about how relationships, love, sex, and men could be different than what I grew up with. I was done feeling disempowered around men. Through a series of well orchestrated events by my soul and the Universe, unbeknownst to my physical self, my marriage broke apart so that I could reclaim my understanding of myself and of men.  I went on a personal PhD program on love, sex, and relationship.  After 3 years and 33 men, I learned a ton of stuff about myself, AND about men: How they really work, and how us women can cultivate a much hotter (empowering) relationship with them.

 I recently partnered with my collaborator Lucas Roy Lehman to bring you what we both know, how to understand men.  Understanding Men

Trust me, watching a video series is way easier than the years I spent on my extensive self-guided quest.  It was a very scary and confusing time for me.  Often I wish I had someone to guide me.

And that’s why I’ve designed this video series for you.  I’ve made the first video in the series free for you to watch.

 So, are you ready to take this step towards understanding men?

Why this information is so important? Because you are constantly in relationship with men, from our father, to grandfather, brother, uncle, friends, boyfriends, husbands, sons, co-workers, teachers, and so on.  They are here to serve and love you, IF YOU KNOW HOW TO WORK WITH THEM.  If not these relationships will continue to confront, haunt, and hurt you.  When you are confused about men, you will always feel overwhelmed with life, alone, unwanted, unappreciated, disempowered, needy, and overly responsible.

So if you are ready to finally understand men, what makes them tick and how you can have a hotter relationship with them, get on this program. This knowledge in turn will bring you so much joy, delight, pleasure, ease, deliciousness, safety, and success. Here are a few ways to start:

  • Purchase the entire video series at my special subscribers price of $47(offer good through this Friday).
  • Subscribe to my weekly online Hot Love Hot Life Hangout.
  • Request a special invitation to my next 2-day live event in the Bay Area happening in March 2015 or Sweden in the late Spring 2015.

I look forward to being on this quest with you and giving you all that I have learned along the way.

Paging Mr. Right

Let Love In

Why is it so hard to find a man who is caring, empathetic and intelligent, a great man, with no drama? I know you are dying to ask the question because most of my clients ask the same thing within a week of working with me.

Underneath that question are some wants and fears that all of us divorced women have. For example,

-You want hot romance and deep connection with your current partner or with a new man but you feel like you are all alone carrying the load for everyone around you.

-You find yourself not knowing how start dating again? Or fear how to let a new man into your life?

-To be honest, you don’t really think you need a man. You want one, but you don’t need one.

-And it seems like it would cost you too much – your freedom to come and go as you wish, all the time spent pleasing him and his incessant demands for sex, and let’s not forget calming his insecurities.

Geez that’s enough to give a woman heartburn.

Here are my top 3 reasons why you don’t have a man who is empathetic, caring, intelligent, and, most important doesn’t create drama.

1. “There aren’t any out there!” You might have a belief that there aren’t any good men out there. Or that they are all taken. Come clean. Do you find yourself making that joke sometimes with your girlfriends? You know, the eye rolling along with the big sigh, and the sinking thought. 9 out of 10 women that I have surveyed at some level have this belief or some version of this belief.

The solution to this one is very simple (complex but simple)… you must banish that thought. Let it go. It’s not the truth. You don’t need to prove that you are right on this one. In fact I want you to prove that you are wrong, dead wrong about this. Believe that there are tons of great, caring, empathetic, and intelligent men out there for YOU. Yes, you. Are you willing to believe?

2. The Laws of Attraction don’t work. You have been manifesting for years now, and you are still single, working hard, and carrying the load by yourself.

Want to know why? This one is a tough one to swallow. You are really hard to love. You make it really hard to come closer to you. You are either too busy with work or you can’t leave your children long enough to fully enjoy a good date. Or you are too stressed out to date. Or you have other obligations that are more important than having a good man in your life.

Do I sound like I am making you wrong here? I am not. I totally understand this dynamic. I am a very busy business woman, a devoted mom, and a great friend. It’s hard for me to surrender and let love in. The only difference between you and me is that I recognize it when I am being hard to love. I will name it and I will ask for help. “Help me, i am being very hard and driven right now. I am scared and I am stressed. I can’t surrender and let you love and care for me.” when is the last time you said that to a man (any man really, but one who is interested in you)?

3. You don’t know what you want. To be even more specific, you are afraid to want everything that you want. So you state the surface want instead of everything underneath. You might even say the things you don’t want (as if that is the same as stating the things that you do want.)

Here is an example one of my clients said to me when I first met her:
Jane, when it comes to relationship what do you really, really want?”
I want an empathetic man, who will listen and support me. Who will love my kids and get along well with them. I don’t want someone who will take over our family, assert his rules, and scare my children like the last one did. And I don’t want someone who will just sit around like a puppy waiting on me either, that’s stifling.” “See a good man is so hard to find. I don’t think they are out there.

Can you see how she derailed from her wants and is now in the “I don’t want” state? She is clearer on what she doesn’t want than what she wants. And that is a dangerous zone.

So let’s do something about this. You know I have some things to offer you. You can find them back on my July newsletter.

“STAND-UP”: How Mai got her Turn On back

Holly smoke! I have been going through yet another reinventing process for the last 6 months. These processes happen about 5-10 times in a person’s life. This is my fourth one. Just because I have had some experience with this process previously does NOT mean that this time it is any easier. In fact, I do believe, the process actually gets harder and scarier each time. Because as we get older, we have more things to loose, a larger ego to manage. and more patterns to undo.

The reinventing process looked like this:
1. I was going a long on my path, grooving and doing my things. Then suddenly “WHAM!” I looked down and my path was gone. Nothing was exciting anymore. Everything that was working became really hard or dried up and went away. I got fired from projects out of the blue. One minute I had everything, the next I had nothing.
2. I panicked (of course)! I moaned, I groaned, I moped, I groped. Still nothing came. My life continued to unravel.
3. I continued to resist, I prayed, I sprayed (not in a good way). I hired myself a coach. Thank God. I stabilized. But I continued to resist. My Turned On factor was low.
4. I made bargains to God, to myself, to my coach, to my old employers. No one was buying my old story line, especially myself. I hated myself (why are you doing this to us? why now? again?) I hated my coach (not really. Thank God he was willing.)
5. Now What? I settled down. I started to listen. I couldn’t avoid the truths anymore. But what are the truths? and what are the cover-ups? How do I know? The more I listened, the more confused I got, the more pain I accumulated. I contracted, I hardened, I braced, I doubted, I frowned, I dragged…I thought of going to get a job! That thought almost killed me.
6. Finally to save myself, I went to yoga (regularly), I sat and meditated for days, I juiced, I cleansed, I prayed some more, I quantum lept, I channeled and talked to spirits, I reached out to friends, I collaborated on every crazy but FUN ideas that came to me. I begged for help my spirits and guides. I surrendered: What is my higher calling? Please tell me, I promise I will follow THIS TIME!
7. Slowly, step by step, piece by piece, the new puzzle came together. I came up with a new title that inspires me and reengages me. I have a new game plan, a bigger message. I even have a new logo and look. This could be exciting!!!!
I am not ready to reveal the whole grand plan yet. But one piece involves me learning to make people laugh on large corporate stage. That scares the S!@#%&T out of me! So I looked up the definition of comedy today.

“Stand-up comedy is a comedic art form. Usually, a comedian performs in front of a live audience, speaking directly to them. The performer is commonly known as a comic, stand-up comic, stand-up comedian or simply a stand-up.”

I Finally GOT IT! The Universe’s latest loving message to me. “STAND UP!”

…to be continued