Why is it so hard to find a man who is caring, empathetic and intelligent, a great man, with no drama? I know you are dying to ask the question because most of my clients ask the same thing within a week of working with me.
Underneath that question are some wants and fears that all of us divorced women have. For example,
-You want hot romance and deep connection with your current partner or with a new man but you feel like you are all alone carrying the load for everyone around you.
-You find yourself not knowing how start dating again? Or fear how to let a new man into your life?
-To be honest, you don’t really think you need a man. You want one, but you don’t need one.
-And it seems like it would cost you too much – your freedom to come and go as you wish, all the time spent pleasing him and his incessant demands for sex, and let’s not forget calming his insecurities.
Geez that’s enough to give a woman heartburn.
Here are my top 3 reasons why you don’t have a man who is empathetic, caring, intelligent, and, most important doesn’t create drama.
1. “There aren’t any out there!” You might have a belief that there aren’t any good men out there. Or that they are all taken. Come clean. Do you find yourself making that joke sometimes with your girlfriends? You know, the eye rolling along with the big sigh, and the sinking thought. 9 out of 10 women that I have surveyed at some level have this belief or some version of this belief.
The solution to this one is very simple (complex but simple)… you must banish that thought. Let it go. It’s not the truth. You don’t need to prove that you are right on this one. In fact I want you to prove that you are wrong, dead wrong about this. Believe that there are tons of great, caring, empathetic, and intelligent men out there for YOU. Yes, you. Are you willing to believe?
2. The Laws of Attraction don’t work. You have been manifesting for years now, and you are still single, working hard, and carrying the load by yourself.
Want to know why? This one is a tough one to swallow. You are really hard to love. You make it really hard to come closer to you. You are either too busy with work or you can’t leave your children long enough to fully enjoy a good date. Or you are too stressed out to date. Or you have other obligations that are more important than having a good man in your life.
Do I sound like I am making you wrong here? I am not. I totally understand this dynamic. I am a very busy business woman, a devoted mom, and a great friend. It’s hard for me to surrender and let love in. The only difference between you and me is that I recognize it when I am being hard to love. I will name it and I will ask for help. “Help me, i am being very hard and driven right now. I am scared and I am stressed. I can’t surrender and let you love and care for me.” when is the last time you said that to a man (any man really, but one who is interested in you)?
3. You don’t know what you want. To be even more specific, you are afraid to want everything that you want. So you state the surface want instead of everything underneath. You might even say the things you don’t want (as if that is the same as stating the things that you do want.)
Here is an example one of my clients said to me when I first met her:
“Jane, when it comes to relationship what do you really, really want?”
“I want an empathetic man, who will listen and support me. Who will love my kids and get along well with them. I don’t want someone who will take over our family, assert his rules, and scare my children like the last one did. And I don’t want someone who will just sit around like a puppy waiting on me either, that’s stifling.” “See a good man is so hard to find. I don’t think they are out there.”
Can you see how she derailed from her wants and is now in the “I don’t want” state? She is clearer on what she doesn’t want than what she wants. And that is a dangerous zone.
So let’s do something about this. You know I have some things to offer you. You can find them back on my July newsletter.