Are You Tired of Dating Your Cat?

Tired of Dating Your Cat?

Hey, Ho!

Here we are in Valentine’s Day month, which may cause a twang in your heart to those of you who are divorced or about to be single. And so I thought it would be perfect timing for me to branch out as an advice columnist for the love-sick and Ready-for-Love peeps. Here, is a sneak preview of one of my first columns. Please send me your questions so that I may be of service to you!

Dear M:

I’m a 50-something single woman and I’ve given up on dating. I feel like I can’t compete with the beautiful young yoginis and cosmetically enhanced perfect-looking women. But I’m lovesick and wanting to find a wonderful life partner. What do you suggest I do to boost my confidence? I’m tired of just having a relationship with my cat.

Thank you,

Misfit Cat Lady

Dear Misfit:

First of all, you need to stop feeling sorry for yourself and calling yourself a “Misfit Cat Lady” (no matter how clever that title is). You are not! How you see yourself will become a reality. Let’s call you “Ready for Love” instead.

Second, reading your letter reminded me of a poem that I read a long time ago when I was in 8th grade. It was the first piece of advice from life that I got and took to heart. Perhaps you have heard of it, Desiderata by Max Ehrmann: “..If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter, for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.”

In your case, there will always be some yogini younger, cuter, and sexier or someone with bigger hair, and more expensive boobs than yours. And I bet you that they are probably feeling the same insecurities that you feel are unique to you. So buckle up, divorce your cat, get out and start playing in the world!

My guess is you probably don’t feel you are worthy of the love and adoration that you deserve — and those feelings probably existed long before in your life. In your trials and tribulations, you may have forgotten how loved you truly are and how to treat yourself with love and respect. You might even forgotten how truly sexy you are. And you constantly judge yourself for not being enough or doing it right.

Let’s turn this around, shall we?

Start with the inside:

Your inner voices need to be witnessed and loved. They are crying out for you to listen to their pain so that they can heal.  Unfortunately, most of the time, you ignore, deny, or suppress them because these voices seem so pathetic to you. But all that ever does is make you feel worse about yourself.

Take out your favorite journal, and capture these voices.  “Today I am in touch with….” (fill in the blank. Write out all of your sad and “whining” voice has to say, then finish it off with “I am grateful to be in touch with these feelings.”

I promise,  you will experience an amazing shift inside. If you are brave, get a partner and share your writing, let them witness you. All they have to do is read your writing and respond with “I see you.” This simple act of daily writing and witnessing will start to melt away decades of shame and loneliness and will allow you to see yourself as is, and develop compassion for yourself. From there, unconditional love will blossom. Once that happens, you will start to attract different people into your life who have the capacity to have unconditional love for you. That’s what you want, isn’t it? See how this works?

After the writing, do something that makes you feel pretty and sexy. Show some skin and feel your body’s movement. Focus on feeling good and move away from the comparison thoughts.

The truth is men love women at any age and in any shape. They especially love women who love themselves.

Love, Love, Love,


p.s. For more support, come to my next “Hot Life Hot Love” event. You will get to see me live and ask your questions. I promise, it will change your life!

I want to tell you a story:

Ann came to my Hot Life Hot Love event last year to learn how to let love in, so that she is loved, adored, and cherished. She cried and cried during the entire weekend because she was stuck in a 20-year marriage with an unresponsive husband. After the event, as she was driving  home and a guy drove fast behind her and convinced her to pull over. She finally pulled over and he said, “You are so beautiful. I want to give you my card in case you’d let me take you out for dinner.” She took it as a sign that she deserved better. Within three months she moved out, sold the house, and began to live her life.  Her husband completely turned around and apologized for how he has been asleep in their marriage. Now they’re reconnecting and dating again. They are building a new loving and romantic relationship. She told me she owes it all to my event!

Want some of this?  Reserve your seat now for the next Hot Life Hot Love – 2 Day Live Event!






Image courtesy of imagerymajestic at

Don’t Get A Divorce, Because Dating Again Is Such A Bitch!

Don’t get a divorce, because divorced and dating again is such a bitch…Just kidding!

Well not really, because it is true. Dating again in your forties or fifties, with kids, and continuing to build your business, is probably the most complex thing you will ever have to figure out. I know. I am 48, with a 13 year old daughter, a hot and growing business, and dating my hot love Keith

I have to bust through so many old, and sometimes unconscious, expectations of what being a good mom, good girlfriend, and good business person is in my head. I have had to say some brazen things to my boyfriend, daughter, and clients to have the life and love that I want. 

a.  (to my boyfriend) “Honey, you are 17 years older than me, we are really good right now together and I cherish and adore you. However, please don’t count on me to be your caretaker in the future.  I promise I will hire a really hot nursemaid for you, pay her extra so she can flash you some boobs, while she give you your sponge bath.  But please don’t count on me to do that for you.  That’s not my calling in life.  If you are good with that, then we have game.”

b.  (to my daughter)  “Honey, now you know that I love being your mom more than anything else.  To me everyday is Mother’s Day.  However, when it comes to actual Mother’s day, I will be gone as it is the one day that I get to do exactly what I want to do.  And it does not have anything to do with you. It’s my day to spend by myself, the way I want it.  Are you good with that?”

c.  (to my clients) “OMG, I am so sorry for the last minute cancellation. I find myself completely out of juice, I have got nothing left to give at the moment.  Can we please reschedule so I can be fully available to love and serve you?”

This is how I manage building a business, raising a teenager, and having hot love in my life.  How do you do it?  I would love to hear and share your stories with our community of hot divorced moms on my facebook page

Return to June’s Dating After Divorce newsletter, where you’ll find a male’s perspective on dating after divorce and a special treat from me.

Photo Courtesy of Keith Cuddeback


Hot Love Bound

Meet JoEllen.  She came to me about 4 weeks ago.

She is 57 years old and has been in technology for 40 years.  She has two children who are almost adults and got divorced after being married to an alcoholic for 20 years. She says, “I buried myself for the last 10 years, barely thinking I might want a companion. I’ve been divorced for over 5 years now and  I am not sure that I can make a good decision regarding a man.  I have a lot of pain still.”

When I saw JoEllen on Google Hangouts for the first time I was blown away, she is beautiful!  Before this I imagined her as old, dumpy and raggedy from her tone of voice and the way she talked about herself. You see, the biggest thing that hangs over JoEllen’s mind and drains her of her vitality is the GUILT over leaving her marriage.  Actually, it’s a GUILT-ping pong battle in her head between staying too long and not having protecting her children better over leaving him behind and breaking the marriage.  It has been 5 years and she still wonders if there was one more thing she could or should have done.

During our recent 1-on-1 coaching session, JoEllen was describing her marriage and it hit me like a Mac truck,  she did not have a marriage. A marriage implies two people care for each other, doing their best to give into the relationship, to nurture, to love and to hold each other.  What she had was a prison sentence and through a lot of tenacity, she escaped!

That distinction was fascinating to both her and I.  She was unconsciously calling what she had “a marriage” instead of seeing it for what it was: a prison term. She was held captive, abused, and neglected for twenty years.  Interesting how this change in perspective busted up the guilt and shame that she was carrying in her head.  Her old reference to her “marriage” really confused her when looking forward to having a new relationship with a man.  Who would want another marriage or relationship if that is what you end up with, an indefinite prison term?!

JoEllen’s latest homework in the Loving Your 3P’s VIP program is to create a vision board of the kind of man and quality of relationship she wants in her life.  She recently said to me, “I remember being 12 years old, having all the posters of teenage idols on my wall, dreaming of my future when my mother made me take them all down saying, ‘Stop dreaming about such things’. Now you, Mai are making me put them back up!”  All I can say back to JoEllen is, “Honey, I am helping you get on your way to HOT LOVE!”

JoEllen’s story is one of many of my client’s journeys toward cultivating hot love in their lives.  HOT LOVE starts with reclaiming our beauty and vitality, letting go of our guilt and should of’s, and then redefining what kind of man and relationship they we want in their lives.

Do you know anyone who is confused about their relationship, thinking they have or had a marriage but really they don’t or didn’t? If so, send them to me!  We are HOT LOVE bound in 2014.  We will be doing everything it takes to make love HOT.  Let me help them make some miracles in their life or help them overcome resistance to change and be well on their way to having the HOT LOVE that they secretly hunger for.


Hot Love Debuts In Sweden

Hot Life Event-button

I’ve just returned from Sweden where I successfully introduced a new group of women to my Loving Your 3P’s program and, even more exciting, debuted my newest couples program, Hot Love: How to Increase the Heat in Your Relationship. You can see pictures of this lovely country and of my two events in the video below.

Creating an evening to show my growing Sweden community how to reignite and bring back the confidence, deep intimacy, spice, fun and heat of their current love relationship has been my constant dream and craving for the last five years.

I had 5 couples in the room who ranged from young newlyweds, to married with young kids, to divorced moms who are in a new budding relationship, to a couple who are intimately dating with no expectation on each other. It was super fun to see how Hot Love increased the heat, intimacy and connection for all of them. At the end of the night, the women were princesses and priestesses and the men were kings and heroes. YUM!

I am now recuperating and dreaming up how and when to bring this second program to California, New York, Canada, and anywhere else that the Universe wants me to bring this to. Are you interested? Wonderful! By clicking here you’ll be amongst the first to hear about the next phase of my Hot Love program, until then I’ll keep you nice and hot with some juicy tips to start cultivating Hot Love in your own life.