Your PhD In Men

Looking back over the last decade, there is one thing that I am most grateful for, that once I figured it out, changed everything for me around relationships, love, and sex.  That one thing was my new found wisdom to understand men.

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 Let’s start at the beginning, way back in Vietnam 1965.  I grew up with a father who hit me for everything that my brother and I did. One time he struck me across my face for making a mistake on a math problem.  The slap was so hard, my baby tooth flew out of my mouth, slid across the floor and was never found again.  🙁

As a result of that upbringing, my first exposure to men was that they were scary and unpredictable. Their anger and rage could come down on me anytime.

Then as a teenager, my mother “bestowed” her wisdom about men on me. It went something like this:

 “There are two kinds of men, one group are rapists and the others are drunks.  So you should avoid men, boys, and guys at all cost.

 Well Hello!!! It’s no surprise that my dating life was zero and men were super freaky and scary to deal with when I was younger.  I was so scared, I only had sex with one man for the first 39 years of my life.  He became my husband because he was reliable, kind, and I knew he would not hit me.

 Not only did this faulty knowledge impact my dating life negatively, it also made me very afraid of men in the workplace.  Unconsciously I was always afraid of doing something wrong in a man’s eyes because he might hit me! And if I were having a good relationship with a man, I found myself uncomfortable around him because I truly believed I might  be forced to have sex with him.

  Eeecck! Accck!  Arggggg! Right?!!!

Fast forward to 10 years ago, I came to the realization that I wanted to learn about how relationships, love, sex, and men could be different than what I grew up with. I was done feeling disempowered around men. Through a series of well orchestrated events by my soul and the Universe, unbeknownst to my physical self, my marriage broke apart so that I could reclaim my understanding of myself and of men.  I went on a personal PhD program on love, sex, and relationship.  After 3 years and 33 men, I learned a ton of stuff about myself, AND about men: How they really work, and how us women can cultivate a much hotter (empowering) relationship with them.

 I recently partnered with my collaborator Lucas Roy Lehman to bring you what we both know, how to understand men.  Understanding Men

Trust me, watching a video series is way easier than the years I spent on my extensive self-guided quest.  It was a very scary and confusing time for me.  Often I wish I had someone to guide me.

And that’s why I’ve designed this video series for you.  I’ve made the first video in the series free for you to watch.

 So, are you ready to take this step towards understanding men?

Why this information is so important? Because you are constantly in relationship with men, from our father, to grandfather, brother, uncle, friends, boyfriends, husbands, sons, co-workers, teachers, and so on.  They are here to serve and love you, IF YOU KNOW HOW TO WORK WITH THEM.  If not these relationships will continue to confront, haunt, and hurt you.  When you are confused about men, you will always feel overwhelmed with life, alone, unwanted, unappreciated, disempowered, needy, and overly responsible.

So if you are ready to finally understand men, what makes them tick and how you can have a hotter relationship with them, get on this program. This knowledge in turn will bring you so much joy, delight, pleasure, ease, deliciousness, safety, and success. Here are a few ways to start:

  • Purchase the entire video series at my special subscribers price of $47(offer good through this Friday).
  • Subscribe to my weekly online Hot Love Hot Life Hangout.
  • Request a special invitation to my next 2-day live event in the Bay Area happening in March 2015 or Sweden in the late Spring 2015.

I look forward to being on this quest with you and giving you all that I have learned along the way.

Breaking Out of the “8 Life”

“You have achieved an “8 life”, now you are about to learn how to break out of this level of satisfaction and go for the “10 life”

What I mean by that is… Let’s take all the pieces of our lives and rate them on a scale of satisfaction, between 1-10, 1 being least satisfied, 10 being most. If the average nonscientific end result score is about an 8, then we have what I call the “8 life”. The “8 life” is a pretty damn good life. Most people would kill for the “8 life”. It is solid, it is set, it is well maintained and cared for, with enough money and stuff to make us comfortable. Inside the “8 life” we have just enough to make us feel really scared at the thought of loosing it. We are attached to what we have and how we have it. It’s also a life that afford us to ask the question “what else do I want?” or ‘is this all there is to it?” or “things are good, but i am wanting something more, what is that?”

This is the place of good news and bad news. The good news is we have life pretty good!! We have achieved a lot and have reached a certain level of success and comfort that is working for us. The bad news is it is really hard to break out of it to go for a “10 life”. Our body will constrict and our mind will scream at the thought of shaking things up and risking everything we have or know.

If we had rated our lives at a 6 or a 7, we feel the pain of the need to change much sharper. The pain of our circumstance is more compelling for us to address and do something about it. The “8” life doesn’t have sharp pain. It has a dull pain and it’s in the back ground. The kind of pain that we can tolerate for a long time. And the thought of doing something about it, sometime can be more painful than living with the dull ache as is. It is much easier to just keep paddling and keeping things as is.

I have more bad news ;-) Or maybe not bad news but warnings…

To break out of the “8” life and go for a “10” life, it sometimes can be violent and disturbing to our ego-system. We have to be willing to shatter our circumstances, to break our current thinking and comfort zone, walk away or cut the ball and chains that we have carefully set up in our lives to keep things steady and safe. All of these verbs that I just used are action verbs with disturbing consequences. AND there is no guarantee that we will succeed. People with the “8” life like to buy insurance and have guarantees. Because we now have enough assets that if we loose it, it will be painful. We like to protect and demand guarantees for everything we have. And if we ask ourselves to change, there is a part of our brain that will scream out “what if it wont work?” and “How do we know we will succeed?”

When we reach for a “10” life, there is no guarantee. In fact we can plan on going into the muck, turning things upside down for what may seem like a long time, getting really confused and doubting ourselves and the process, AND perhaps “loosing or letting go” of everything. All, so that we can find that thing that we are looking for.

And that thing that we are looking for is US. The new and improved ME in each one of us. The ME that have been tested, stretched, pulled and being close to destruction, that phoenix-ME rising out of our ashes. When we find that ME in each one of us, that is the “10 life”, and it is worth every drop of sweat, blood, and tears that we shed.

This complexity applies at the work place for leaders too. Think of this at a personal leadership level, and at the organizational level. This same trap is very real for executives to face everyday. And how often do you settle for the “8 Life” = good enough, instead of the “10 LIFE” = everybody rocking and rolling with the organization.

Having been there, done that, both the personal and professional levels, I say this with deep sincerity, “GOOD LUCK!”