It is my habit to wake up naturally to the sun, at 6:29am every morning. A cognitive thought comes into my mind like “it’s time to wake up.” Then as I lay there a few more minutes to gather myself back from dream land, I think of what is coming up for my day, today and for the rest of the week. This process always wake me up fully, since my to do list and my desire list are always so much fun to accomplish.
But this morning was different. As I let my mind wander to my to do list, I felt a jolt of panic: “Holy Shit, I have got a lot to do this week!” Followed by a flood of doubt and fear: “OMG, can I handle all of this? What if it is too much? What if I don’t have what it takes to do all of this?” My body began constricting, bracing for this day and this week to come. I no longer felt joy and excitement. But I started to feel fear, worry, and dread. Me, at the top of my game right now, is dragged down by my negative ego into the land of fear and dread instead of just enjoying my beautiful work and success that I have spent the last 20 years building.
Luckily, I operate consistently with the Universe. She and I communicate constantly and instantaneously. Just as the sense of fear and dread flooded in to fill up my body, my phone beeped and the Osho App presented today’s thought for me to meditate on.
The card was called: Flowering And the message? You will love this….
“Zen wants you living in abundance, living in totality, living intensely– not at the minimum as traditional culture wants you, but at the maximum, overflowing. Your life should reach to others. Your blissfulness, your benediction, your ecstasy should not be contained within you like a seed. It should open like a flower and spread its fragrance to all and sundry — not only to the friends but to the strangers too.
This is real compassion, this is real love: sharing your enlightenment, sharing your dance of the beyond.” Osho
WOW! That card was right on for me. That was my dread. It was the voice of responsibility. My responsible self wanted to make sure I could handle it all, that I didn’t take on too much, that overflowing is bad, and I should be cautious and pull back.
While my inspirational and powerful beyond measure me is busy saying yes to life, my responsible side tries to help, to keep me intact, to keep me responsible. Yet what she really is doing is stopping the flow. She is not trusting, not flowering. She is minimizing, bracing, and limiting love and flow.
Do you relate? Do you feel like this, where you have lots of yummy things happening yet suddenly your doubt and fear creep in? It tells you how you should handle all of these things, it tightens your body up and starts to brace against life and all of your creation. It doesn’t trust that all will be well and stupendous. Instead, it puts thoughts of disastrous endings and outcomes into your mind.
I offer up this share, to say to you “I get it Sista!” I do the same thing. And guess what? This fearful, doubtful, responsible voice, as compelling and right as it sounds, is actually not trustworthy. Unleash, let go, surrender into your day. Ride it like you are a kid on a boogie board catching a great wave. Or as Osho said in my card, “Let yourself flower, overflow with love. Live in intensity, live in totality, live in abundance.” ~ Namaste Mai